Pati Patni Aur Main

There are many simple things in this world. Like, say, 3 billion men. Mostof them occasionally make that famous effort to complicate life, and theybecome accomplices in the matrimonial sacrament. This more or less is whatRamesh Talwar's reminder, Pati Patni Aur Main is all about.

('Main' as in the Hindi for 'me' or 'I' if you want to be particular. Rhymeswith the sound the goats are supposed to make, or what the likes of Mehmoodwill have you believe they do. We assume of course that you know what pati and patni are.)

Written originally by Manohar Katdhare, and adapted from Marathi to Hindiby Raman Kumar, the play revolves around two theories.One - men can be either happy or married.Two, men don't live by happiness alone.

It's appropriate to add one more relevant theory -- Shatrugnan Sinha is alive. Playing the crucial 'Main' in the comedy, Sinha had so much to say that onewanted to ask the pleasant bloke to drink some water and then proceed.

Thefunniest part of the play, however, was the occasion, and what happened on thesidelines. The premier inMumbai's Nehru Centre Auditorium saw the cream of the city's Marathiliterary world congregate, dressed to the hilt. They even hugged andkissed. How times change.

There was also a sprinkling of bigwigs from what a Caucasianjournalist once disparagingly called 'Bollywood', like, to name two, Shah Rukh Khanand Anil Kapoor.

Kapoor walked down the aisle before finding his seat, a bit like a coybride, a bit like a man ashamed of himself but some one insisted that hewas merely trying to be inconspicuous. One didn't know he had to try sohard.

Shah Rukh signed some autographs, slightly circumspect as though worriedabout being made to sign a cheque or something.

As a tribute to his colleague Sinha's maiden theatre performance, homeminister L.K. Advani had specially flown down to be part of a ratherrestive audience, which kept abusing tall members of the TV crew. ChiefMinister Vilasrao Deshmukh was there too (in a Safari suit thatmysteriously didn't have a 'back cut').

There were some adorable modern women with what's, rather politicallyincorrectly, called 'good rears'. A Hindi play is not where you'd normallyexpect to see them, but, they are always welcome.

Finally the curtains went up and the funniest man of the night appeared:Producer Sanjay Goradia.

He seemed to be just crossing the stage minding his own business when itstruck him that a lot of people were seated in the auditorium already. Hedidn't ask what they were doing there though he managed to look as if thethought did cross his mind. But he recovered fast to say: "You people havecome already? ...I am sure your pagers and cell phones are switched off."

Then the nub. "Shatrugnan Sinha is late.. The only problem with him is thathe is late. Actually he was supposed to be born as Ram. But he was late. Sohe became Shatrugnan."

People laughed obligingly.Sanjay managed to looked a bit troubled, "Now, even this joke is over"hesaid ruefully.

But help was at hand as just then, as if on cue, Shotgun walked in, and asexpected, hijacked the proceedings from there on.

Now on to the play.The two-act play is about this 9 to 5, content with life, bank clerk, playedeffectively by Sinha, though he looks a bit too grand for that middle-classlow-life.

A seemingly retarded bachelor played by Amar Babaria -- one of those menwho button the full sleeves at the wrist, and not tuck the shirt in -- askshis friend the bank clerk to play cupid.

The clerk, being a good friend, brings in a high-decibeled girl played byGayatri Rawal (looks-good from-farvariety), directly in conflict with the bachelor.

And of course, since this is a play, they fall in love, get married, wallowin bliss, even vie to open the door for the milk-man in the morning etc.You get the picture? Cloyingly cosy and "in love".

Then reality dawnsonthe romantics, a bit late as always.They argue and squabble. And even, curiously, lie in opposite directions onthe conjugal bed. It takes a highly inexperienced husband, one would think,to sleep with his head near the wife's legs, that too after a fight, butlet's not get picky.The message is nailed home. The bliss is over.

The wife walks out of thehouse (she is a light traveller -- just one suitcase). The husband, as ifin an afterthought, is distraught. So he plays Romeo all over again. Hisefforts lead to a happy ending.

Since the male point of view is normally divided on what 'happy ending' inthis context is, here is confirmation. Well, the couple get back. And theylive happily ever after. That's the happy ending.

Sinha is a gripping actor on the stage no doubt but, like a school boy inthe Annual Day play, the man doesn't 'listen' to other characters. Hedoesn't hear them. Most of the time it seems, he just waits to deliver his"quips".

In his world, it seems, there is no space for another person.Loud and expansive, Sinha didn't surprise many when he said at the end ofthe play that some of the "one-liners" were "my own".If you were a careful reader of Tinkle, most of his jokes will seemfamiliar.

But overall, it wasn't too bad. Okay, let us be generous. It'sworth paying and watching.

(The Play will be performed in Pune on the 22nd of June, in Mumbai on the24th of June, in Indore on the 15th of July, in Mumbai again on the 29thof July and in Surat on the 19th of August)