Such a point arrived in the life of Radhakrishnan too, who had taught in Mysore just before our time. When he left Delhi, he made such a speech that he wanted to frighten Indira Gandhi and make her continue him as president. But that did not happen. After he retired he came to Edward Elliot Road in Madras and became a total vegetable. The person who nurtured him in his last days was his daughter-in-law (Gopal's wife). Nobody came to see him in the last days and when he passed away nobody even realised that a great man had passed away. Everything got over very quietly. All these thoughts keep coming to me now.
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trangely, if I have to look back at my alma mater and my student days it will now happen only through the attitude and concerns of my old age. Until you are 80 there is strength in the body. For instance, I was 77 when I made the biographical film on Veena maestro Doreswamy Iyengar. Amidst his tight schedule, my friend Sharada Prasad made time to write the brochure literature for it and the project was commissioned by my former student Gautaman, who was a Dalit boy who had risen on his own merit and become the chief producer of the Films Division. I was not absolutely healthy then, my skin problems and all that were there, but I had the clear determination to do it. But now the fact about my ageing has become pronounced. This is a very individual thing, it is not that it happens to everybody. My earlier part of life, my education, my upbringing, my attitude, my convictions all of them had an effect on me and that also circumscribes my reaction. I have absolutely no regrets; I am not a cynic; I am not a bitter person, but I am not happy inside. I can't explain, complain or criticise against anyone; I can't say they are responsible for my this or that. It is just that all this has happened. But the ultimate point is that at this point of time, in my heart of hearts, I am not a happy man. Problems are there. How I will get rid of it or whether I will get rid of it at all is a thing unknown to me. Ten years ago if you had asked me about Maharaja's College perhaps my views would have been different, I could have told you whatever I knew about it. But anyway, with this difference in my own life, I look back.
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y Maharaja College days were my happiest days. The feeling is that it is an age gone by. I entered Maharaja's College in the last decade before Independence. I was part of that institution from 1938 when I entered for my intermediate, till 1948 when I left for UK. For 10 years I was there as a student and a lecturer. I taught the last 3 years of my stay. That period was full of joy and happiness. Everything was great, in the words of Browning 'God's in his heaven, all's right with the world.'