Find out expert and parent insights on nurturing self-regulation in children, a crucial skill for lifelong success.
Self-regulation is proven to be one of the most essential skills in life that individuals need to develop as they grow. The foundation of this disciplinary skill tends to start from a very young age and requires continuous support and efforts from the parents and caretakers. Developing self-regulation is not only crucial for childhood but also has far-reaching effects on adult life. As parents, it’s essential to shape this skill in children, starting as early as possible.
A person’s ability to manage their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in the direction of their specific goals, especially when faced with challenges, distractions, or conflicting desires can be referred to as Self-regulation. It involves controlling impulses, delaying gratification, and staying focused on tasks, even when it may be difficult to do so. Self-regulation is critical for social, emotional, and cognitive development, and it plays a significant role in overall well-being and success throughout life.
Research has shown that self-regulation starts to spur between the ages of three and five when a child’s brain experiences rapid growth. Although genetics play an important role in the development of this ability, the individual surroundings and experiences are also equally influential. Parents are in a prime position to help shape their child’s capacity for self-regulation by creating supportive, but not overly protective, environments that encourage problem-solving and perseverance.
Self-regulation plays a vital role in a child's success both socially and academically. When a child can manage their emotions and behavior, they are more likely to make friends, participate in school activities, and achieve good grades. They can stay focused on tasks, even when they face difficulties.
For example, imagine a child playing a board game with friends. A child with well-developed self-regulation will be able to wait their turn, follow the rules, and continue playing even if they are losing. On the other hand, a child with low levels of self-regulation might become frustrated or upset, potentially leading to outbursts or even leaving the game.
Low self-regulation in early childhood has also been linked to several negative outcomes in adulthood, including gambling, substance abuse, and poor mental and physical health. Studies show that children who struggle with self-regulation are more likely to have sleep and weight issues later in life. This highlights the importance of supporting children in developing these skills early on.
Self-regulation is not just an innate ability that a child is born with, it is something that develops over time, and naturally, parents play a significant role in this process. However, many parents unintentionally slow down this growth by stepping in too quickly to solve their child’s problems. While this "fix-it" approach is done out of love, it can prevent children from learning the resilience and problem-solving skills they need to manage their emotions and behavior on their own.
Given the nature of their fresh existence, children encounter challenges every day, from tying their shoelaces to completing a difficult puzzle. Instead of immediately stepping in to resolve the issue, parents should let their children struggle a bit and find solutions themselves. This helps kids learn persistence, adaptability, and confidence in handling problems. Over time, this can also lead to fewer emotional outbursts when things don’t go as planned.
There is a very thick line between supporting self-regulation and ignoring your child, leaving them to handle things alone. Instead, it’s about knowing when and how to step in while still encouraging them to think and solve problems on their own. Here are some helpful tips for fostering self-regulation in children:
When your child encounters a challenge, instead of immediately stepping in to solve it, start with encouraging words or gentle suggestions. For example, if they're struggling with a puzzle, you might ask, "Have you tried all the pieces yet?" or "What do you think should come next?" These questions help your child think through the problem themselves, rather than relying on you to fix it for them.
If your child continues to have trouble despite verbal encouragement, it’s okay to step in with a bit more hands-on help, but still let them lead the process. For example, if they're working on a puzzle, you can move some pieces closer to get their attention. If they're stuck on a specific part, you could say, “Let’s check the instructions together and see what went wrong.”
Allowing your child to stay actively involved in solving the problem is the way to make them more likely to develop resilience and perseverance. It’s important to remember that your role is to guide them, not take over the task entirely.
Persistence is key when it comes to helping kids build self-regulation. The more chances they have to face challenges and find solutions, the better they'll get at handling frustration and setbacks. It could be as simple as encouraging them to keep going when they're almost done with a puzzle or practicing tying their shoes, even when they’re ready to give up.
Parents can encourage persistence by praising efforts rather than just the result. Affirmations to acknowledge the hard work your child is putting in like- “I am really proud of how hard you are working on this. I know it’s not easy, but you are getting closer every time!”
Another way to support self-regulation is by giving children opportunities to make decisions and solve problems on their own. This could be as simple as allowing them to choose their clothes for the day or decide how to arrange their toys.
These small choices help kids feel more in control of what they do, which makes them better at managing themselves in the long run.
Children often tend to imitate the behaviors they see in their parents, making it important to bring forward a good example of self-regulation. If you want your child to develop these skills, show them how you manage your own emotions and handle tough situations without giving up.
For example, if you are frustrated with something, narrate your process: “I am feeling really frustrated with this, but I am going to take a deep breath and try again.” By showing your child how to handle difficult emotions and situations, you are providing them with a valuable example of self-regulation in action.
Overall, it is important for parents to give children the space to learn on their own, even if the tasks they are struggling with seem like a piece of cake with parents’ intervention. Growing up as a kid is fascinating and full of challenges, they have everything to learn from zero, figuratively and literally. While children should feel supported in this endeavor of existence, managing their emotions and trying when things get tough is a life-saving skill.
Opting for verbal guidance and gradually increasing your level of support, modeling self-regulation yourself are the steps required to instill self-regulation in kids, which is what everyone needs to navigate life’s ups and downs. With time, practice, and patience, your child will develop the ability to regulate their behavior and emotions—setting them up for a successful and well-adjusted future.