A Manual: How To Wear A Saree?

Your slender,
freshly manicured hands 
must pin the tailored blouse,
in front of your tightly pulled up bosoms. 
You must be certain 
that the neckline 
and the backline of your blouse
doesn’t reveal the pretentions
of your carefully curated image;

not a line of your breasts, 
not a line of your back 
must be seen;
for when in sight 
they shall dare 
to tell on 
your carnal debase.  

The length of your petticoat is a matter of great importance. 
It shouldn’t rise too high up above the ground;
but keep in mind, 
that it should be high enough 
to cover the vulgarity 
of your pierced belly button. 

You must now reach for your crisply ironed Benarasi silk saree.
Beware of any crease, 
for they reveal 
the uncouthness lurking behind all your finery.
Your slender hand must now drape 
a six-yard long traditional tale, 
around the length of your curved waist. 
You tuck one end in the left,
wrap the cloth once around your waist, 
and then gracefully tuck it in the right, as well.
You stand in front of the mirror 
semi-clothed,
revealing your waist 
in its half-moon grace. 

Your hands must now be engaged
in gently weaving your saree in pleats.
You make a W 
and then insert your index finger to keep it in place; 
you tug along the length of your saree, 
tug it down 
from the length of your belly button, 
to the floor,
and finally
drape the pallu over your left shoulder, 
and daintily pin it into place. 

Now you walk along 
to check your mobility, 
after having been wrapped in 
six-yards of a maze. 
You twirl in front of the mirror, 
to check for the extra skin revealing your disgrace. 
You pick up your earrings 
from the mirror stand 
and wear them in your ears with care. 
Tread carefully woman,
you must be the personification 
of the ideal Indian woman’s grace.