The Cover Up Of Minnie Lou

Seems ol' crabby, crafty Ayatollah Asscraft is testing our ability towithstand his craftiness, and proving himself to be every bit the Ass 'n'Ayatollah we were afraid he'd be. Over the past few months, especially since9.11, he has been doing this in some serious life- and liberty-threatening waysthat have been covered (quite minimally, due to our miniscule budget forpolitical reporting here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute) in these pages.

But Asscraft's latest destruction of liberty and justice involves suppressionof liberty for the Spirit of Justice. That is, he has ordered to be covered up arather large, lovely statue named the "Spirit of Justice" that hastowered behind American Attorneys General for some 70 years. With a set of $8000drapes (prudery isn't cheap), he has turned the Spirit of Justice into theSpirit of Censorship.

See, the "Spirit of Justice" is naked. Well, topless. Actually,half-topless. One breast (looking to be a rather nice, round, C -cup completewith perky nipple) is revealed, the other concealed by a Grecian-style tunic,giving our Spirit of Justice gal just a bit more coverage than her malecounterpart, the "Majesty of Justice," who has nothing but a loinclothsheathing his majestic manhood. These huge aluminum statues were constructedduring the 1930's under FDR, and were strongly influenced by the Art Decomovement of the times, as well as, perhaps, the taste of certain Democrats.According to Beverly Lumpkin of ABC News, the lady statue has been fondlyreferred to for years as "Minnie Lou."

Minnie Lou is not exactly a sexpot. I imagine that the Art Deco sculptor whocreated her had more than pure prurience on his or her mind. More of an Athena(Warrior Goddess of Wisdom), than an Aphrodite (Sexy Goddess of Sex), she exudespower and dignity. Minnie's partial nudity is part of her power, her purity, hernaturalness, her truth and thus, her spirit of justice.

Now, thanks to the American Ayatollah, Minnie and her counterpart (Mickey?)have both been covered up, shrouded like ghosts, depriving the common people ofour right to even glimpse these glorious feminine and masculine symbols ofAmerican Justice rising up out of the deep Depression in all their shinyaluminum splendor.

What kind of prudish, priggish, self-conscious ass would do such a thing?

Even former Attorney General Edwin Meese didn't cover up the perenniallyhalf-topless Minnie Lou. Of course, her gloriously bare boob did seem to mockthe presentation of Meese's report on his commission on pornography. Minnie Louhas been in the Great Hall for over 70 years to remind us that the Spirit ofJustice is naked, at least partially.

Asscraft has already shown himself to be awfully Ayatollah-like in hisdraconian Patriot Act, which strips civil liberties from American citizens, andin his Torture-Lite approach to the "detainees" at Guantànamo Bay.Now he appears to be adopting the mullahs' mode of dealing with the complexitiesposed by the human female body: Cover it up, get it out of sight, and get onwith the manly business of oppression, power-grabbing and punishment.

I can just imagine him thundering to his staff (pun intended): "If theTaliban can cover up their women, then by God Almighty, we can cover up ourhalf-topless female statues!!"

After all, Ayatollah Asscraft is just one man, and he can't run around thisgreat gigantic country of ours covering up the millions of bare bosoms ofnudists, topless dancers and sculptures throughout the US (though that'scoming...). But, by Jesus, he can cover up the flagrantly bare bosom of the ladystatue that towers over him during his all-important speeches to peskyjournalists and left-leaning photographers who like nothing better than to snapa nice shot of Minnie Titty rising above the dour Asscraft visage.

But $8000 for drapes? Whew, that's an expensive burka.

I guess we should be grateful he didn't blow Minnie up like the Taliban didthe Bamian Buddhas.

But it makes you wonder: Does Asscraft's cover-up of the Spirit of Justicesignify his tendency to "cover up" other things? Though the Spirit ofJustice is more Athena than Aphrodite, she is a beautiful, powerful woman.Covering her and her consort up in this already Dark Age projects gloom andoppression. Is that the message Asscraft wants to send? Or is it that he justcan't help himself?

Obviously, he's got a problem with nudity. Now, I would never force a personto stand in front of a naked statue if it really made him or her uncomfortable.But Asscraft knew all about the Spirit of Justice when he accepted the job ofAttorney General. He shouldn't have taken the job if he didn't like thetrappings. But of course, one of the reasons Asscraft probably wanted the job(other than the fact that he'd just lost the Missouri Senator's race to a deadman) was because of his driving lust to cover up Minnie and generally restrainall liberties, except the freedom to pray.

Extreme prudery in any religion is fertile soil for fanaticsm, just a hair'sbreath from terrorism. The most successful and despicable alleged terrorist ofour time, Mohammed Atta, is a case-in-point for prudery gone amok. Here was aman who wouldn't even shake a woman's hand (though there are rumors of himhiring hookers), wouldn't even look at a woman. A roommate's girlfriend tauntedAtta by hanging a reproduction of a Degas nude above the toilet in their sharedapartment. Atta tried to ignore it for a couple of months, then tersely askedhis roommate, not the girlfriend, to remove it. Many mysteries of 9.11 remain tobe solved, and surely there are a multitude of personal, political and economicreasons why this atrocity occurred. But one small yet powerful cause seems tohave been the deep anti-sex, anti-female feelings of this man, his abhorence forwomen, for nudity, for Eros, for life. It is ironic that the attack would putanother sexual repressive of a different religion into the spotlight, enablinghim to grasp greater powers than ever.

But, since irony is dead (long live irony), it just seems sadly predictable.Thanatos leads to Thanatos. Atta leads to Asscraft. Until a preponderance of usare fed up enough to respond to Thanatos with Eros. Things seem pretty bleakthese days, but I believe we can do it, even now, in the depths of our terror.Just as there's a little bit of yin in every yang, there's always a little bitof Eros in Thanatos times.

I call upon some brave and crazy soul, some truly patriotic citizen to runinto our Hall of Justice, tear down those $8000 drapes (gently, please, don'tdamage them) and set the Spirit of Justice and her beloved Majesty free!

And if that's considered a terrorist act, so be it.

(Dr. Susan Block is a sex educator, host of the Dr. Susan Block radioshow, and author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure. For more of her politicalwritings, please visit the TerrorJournals)