Delhi Diary

I have no desire to add to the misery our neighbour is experiencing but, as usual, the country and its establishment are doing what they do best: blame everyone but themselves. Fortunately, much of Pakistan’s anger is directed at the United States and what is left is hurled at us. In this mood, they are asking all the wrong questions. Here is a sample: Their sovereignty has been violated by the air strike. They have been betrayed by an ally (whose war they are fighting in Afghanistan) through a mix of distrust and arrogance—otherwise why were the details of Operation Geronimo not shared with them? One intelligence failure does not mean the entire intelligence apparatus is incompetent and corrupt. The US was able to trace bin Laden because they have better technology. Pakistan’s determination to crush the extremists at home and in Afghanistan should not be doubted on the basis of a single error. Any repeat of unilateral action will be answered by force. And so on.

While Pakistan’s grievances should not be dismissed out of hand, the core question—what was Osama doing in Abbottabad right under the army’s nose—is conveniently glossed over. As if it was an incidental fact. Islamabad’s loud assertions that it was serious about fighting jehadis had little credibility before the most wanted man in the world was found not in a cave but in a mansion close to Islamabad. Now that residual credibility has also gone. And yet it seems the citizens of Pakistan are unable or unwilling to face that reality and its consequences for them.

On Barkha Dutt’s We the People, I heard perhaps the lone voice of sanity. A columnist from the newspaper Dawn, Anees Ansari, bravely and soberly stated that this was a “watershed moment” for the country with the need of the hour being some honest introspection. I am a friend of Pakistan, born in Rawalpindi and an old votary of “dosti”. However, I frequently marvel at how skilful and adept the Pakistani establishment is to miss the wood for the trees.

Shun the Generalities

There was a time when our generals spoke too little. These days they speak too much. Perhaps it is the glamour of television which entraps them. Whatever, they seem to have become masters at saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. The army chief, V.K. Singh, is by all accounts a sensible man; however, he shoots his mouth off each time he sees a camera in the vicinity. His latest indiscretion was totally gratuitous. What was the need for him to declare at this sensitive moment that his boys could mount a surgical strike too? The excuse that he did not name any country does not wash. Did the chief have the United States in mind? Did the chief have China in mind? General Singh’s finger was clearly pointing towards Pakistan. Even if we have the capability, do we need to tom-tom it on TV?

Our generals in this 24x7 age need to frequently interact with the media. I am not sure if they receive any coaching or training on how to deal with an intrusive press and TV hungry for breaking news. If Gen V.K. Singh bribes me with a couple of bottles of Hercules Rum (available only in army canteens), I’d be happy to pop in and do the needful.

So, Who Plays Osama?

Kathryn Bigelow, the director of the Oscar-winning Iraq war classic The Hurt Locker, is according to reports working furiously on an Operation Geronimo film. Shooting is scheduled to start next month and the release is fixed for late autumn. The producers are confident they will win the race for the first bin Laden picture. I’d like to warn them. Hollywood has not factored in Bollywood. If Ram Gopal Varma takes up the project, he would need no more than 10 days to shoot the film.

Who’d make the best Bollywood bin Laden? Om Puri is too short, Naseeruddin Shah would want control of the script; he is likely to make bin Laden the good guy treacherously trapped by Yankee villains. Aamir Khan has the versatility but may not be interested in a politically incorrect film. And I don’t even want to think what a Karan Johar-Shahrukh Khan production would look like. There is only one actor who has the physique and the guts to play the role. That is Big B. However, he may want Abhishek to star as the commander of the Seals!

Earthly Duties

The medicines in the Sheikh’s bedroom indicate his kidney, as suspected, had not packed up. Although we could not see the name of what were clearly herbal packs, such pills and powders are meant for toning up the system rather than addressing a serious ailment. Incidentally, if you are wondering how bin Laden spent his time at the mansion, the indigenous Viagra reportedly seized may offer a clue. The Sheikh had three competing wives, so he probably needed help.