Delhi Diary

Worse than Slapstick

On the issue of Team Anna being sent privilege notices, I believe the government may be about to make another monumental blunder. The team will revel in the media attention. Take Kiran Bedi’s offending skit at Ramlila Maidan. It was pathetic. She should be issued a notice not for defaming parliamentarians but for staging a show of appalling comic quality. It is a strong candidate for a ‘bad comedy’ award. If the MPs really wish to punish Ms Bedi, they should summon her to the despatch box and insist she re-enact the skit a dozen times.

I am reminded of a joke about a classical violinist playing a short Mozart piece in a prestigious hall in Vienna. After he had finished, the audience shouted ‘encore’. He played it again. The crowd shouted ‘encore’. He played it again. ‘Encore’, repeated the audience. “I am sorry I will not play it again,” protested the maestro. “Oh, yes, you will. Until you play it properly,” roared a listener.

Quiet Recrimination

The Americans may be loud and crass but they certainly know how to honour their fallen. Few watching the tenth anniversary ceremonies of 9/11 would have failed to observe the dignity, grace, sobriety and good taste with which the victims were remembered. Meanwhile, in our shining democracy, the latest terrorist act has led to an orgy of finger-pointing, name-calling and don’t-blame-me type of commemoration. Predictably, our rulers announced zero tolerance for terrorism. I suggest we should have zero tolerance for any politician who uses the words zero tolerance!

On our side, one question popped up incessantly. How come in 10 years no terrorist attack has taken place in the evil empire while we seem to have one every Wednesday? Various reasons were forwarded, systemic failure being the favourite. I don’t know whether you have noticed how the aforementioned failure is invariably identified as the cause for most of the nation’s woes. From political corruption to media sensationalism to the sickness in our sporting bodies, this omnipresent culprit runs riot. I am not discounting its baleful consequences, but is it fair to blame the system wholesale thus?

Most citizens have had the misfortune of either going to court or being hauled up in court. Is anyone surprised that these places, from the magistrates to the high court, are sitting targets? Chaos, confusion (perhaps anarchy is the right word), breaking of lines, bypassing of checks is the norm rather than the exception. Pay fifty rupees and you can park your car in a prohibited area; pay fifty rupees and you can get in without the prescribed entry slip. Bulging files, briefcases, small bags, umbrellas are lying around inside the court-room without an eyebrow being raised. The harassed cop is doubtless present to search and monitor, but one constable controlling multitudes!

Our railway stations, malls, shopping arcades, bus stands tell a similar story. For the terrorist, India offers an embarrassment of riches. The question to ask is not why there have been so many ‘black Wednesdays’ but so few. It is easy and convenient to blame the system—then we are the victims, not the perpetrators. However, how many of us have knowingly and repeatedly broken security rules in our daily life?

My Bored Appearance

Many of my friends and well-wishers (I still have a few) have advised me to cut down on my television appearances. More often than not, I have nothing new or original to say, and given my general lack of enthusiasm for any particular side of the political divide, I find it hard to maintain the pose of the independent, middle-of-the road spokesperson with a challenging point of view. Television pundits who can analyse and pronounce on every topic cogently and potently are to be envied. In our polarised and nasty political landscape, each day offers one more ‘grave’ issue with ‘grave’ national implications. How to cope? How to sound unfailingly alarmed?

At the height of Indira Gandhi’s Emergency in 1976, I was talking to the distinguished author, V.S. Naipaul, researching a book in Mumbai. When I went on and on worrying about the fate of a free country suddenly under a dictatorship, predicting it seemed to be the end of the road for the infant republic, he said something to the effect: Don’t take it too seriously. It will pass. India will return to where it was.

And so it did. Punditry on current affairs television, unfortunately, makes it difficult for a person to distinguish between the passing and the lasting.

Doggoned Pedigree

I am happy to report that the extraordinary variety of imported, high-class goodies crowding the pet shops do not interest Editor. No chocolate biscuits for him, neither has he taken to the brand ‘Pedigree’ which I am told is all the rage, nor does he like fancy plastic bones. Except for Italian Parmesan cheese, he prefers non-vegetarian home food. Perhaps he remembers his lowly origins!