THE killing of Sander Thoenes, the 30-year- old Dutch correspondent of the Financial Times , while he was covering the riots and massacres in East Timor, has suddenly made a conflict from which I was till now farremoved ,intensely personal. Sander was my daughters closest and oldest friend. They had met at college in the US, more than ten years ago, and remained in constant touch ever after. Sander had visited India to see her, and always talked of coming back. We met for the last time in Jakarta last December, where he proudly showed me his voluminous file of the dispatches he had sent from Jakart a . In my attempts to understand the complex interaction of politics and economics in Indonesias precipitous collapse he became, in a reversal of roles, my guide and mentor.