The genial housewife – and one is talking of the 'average' housewife, not the kind who float in and out of those TV serials that take large sections of population on flights of fantasy...
She is expected to have magical solutions for a number ofissues – all at the same time. From sewing a button on her husband’s shirtto tracking the truant maid; from serving a cup of coffee to her mother-in-law,with the right amount of sugar and at the right temperature, to ensuring thatthe kids get ready in time for school.
Life, for the housewife, is one non-stop whirl. On any givenday, she walks 15 kms at home. Her biggest battles are with attitudes that havebeen handed down over several decades and with expectations that she mustconform to a stereotype. She is expected to watch the world go by and wallows inlow self-esteem, webs of doubt infused in her mind by a battery of questionsabout her abilities.
By some quirk of fate, entrepreneurs and employees getnoticed, actresses and sporting achievers get lauded and written about. But thehousewife remains the backroom girl, doing her job as well as anyone else butrarely figuring in anyone’s plans. Hundreds of thousands form one of thelargest and most critical communities in India but, sadly, that does not occupytoo many people’s mindspace.
Often, she has very strong opinion on a variety of subjects.Rising prices get her goat, rising hemlines make her eyebrows rise just a shade,she thinks Sourav Ganguly cannot get out of the limbo in one-day cricket and SaniaMirza has a right to make statements on and off the tennis court. She is open tosuggestions but insists there is but one way to bring up the children. As forher husband, she doesn’t say much in public.
To be sure, the Indian housewife makes powerful statements ina variety of forms. From keeping her home spick and span to watching her child’sevolution, from caring for her parents-in-law through several years and adoptingeveryone else’s dream as her own, she bears a greater burden than many wouldconcede. Yet, nobody is taken for granted as much as the housewife.
She knows hers is a thankless role but she embraces itwillingly. She walks the tightrope willingly, juggling a few pieces of crockeryat the same time, and comes off unscathed each time. She is quite a force,packing eloquence into her silence, a quiet power beneath her demurecountenance. As the family’s favourite stress-reliever, she is expected to beon good behaviour all the time, having to pretend to be unfamiliar with emotionslike anger, hate and disappointment.
She learns to cope with long hours of solitude – sometimesthey can be a blessing – when the kids are away in school and college and thehusband away at work. Some listen to radio, others watch a bit of television,others catch forty winks before the kids come back from school and say "Macan’t you make something different for a change?" And this after notrepeating anything for weeks!
Her contribution to society is immense but, as happens in herown home often, few recognise her spirit or her power. The advertiser comesacross as the only one who addresses her ability to influence decision –remember how Lalitaji was used to sell Surf so compellingly? The marketplace hasa tough time keeping pace with the evolution of the urban housewife. And, ofcourse, each time there is an LPG crisis, the petroleum minister quivers in hisboots expecting a backlash by the housewives.
Any attempt at valuation of housewives’ contribution to theeconomy will be incomplete and unfair. How can you put a price on the pricelessthings that a housewife does? How can anyone put any price put on the selflessroutines that she practices, without taking off over the weekend? Did someonesay, 'They also serve who stand and wait'? Housewives are a mere piece ofstatistic? Hardly.
We now read about one who robbed her in-laws to provide forher husband’s treatment for HIV infection; encouraged by a volunteer programme.Another has become the pradhan (chief) in an Uttar Pradesh village; anda whole bunch of them in Bhubaneshwar got tired of gossip and came together toconvert a garbage dump into a children’s park. And then you have stories ofhow more and more housewives appear to be discovering the joys of friendshipsthat internet has brought along...
She has come a long way, the Indian housewife, though societyis slow in changing and accepting that. But then you would perhaps say that my'genial' or 'average' housewife itself is a stereotype.
This piece did not appear in the print magazine.