Mixed Shots

Sultans Of Swing Can’t Lick Balls

Bowlers once spat on their balls to lick their opponents, but in a world wracked by COVID-19, that’s too dangerous. The International Cricket Council has taken note of the increased risk of infection with the ‘spit and polish’ method to bowl a reverse swing. “If we don’t use saliva, how will we shine the ball?” asks fast-bowler Bhuvneshwar Kumar. “Then we will be hit and people will say we are not bowling well.” So the council is considering legalising ball-tampering with shoe polish, petroleum jelly and moisturiser once matches resume. We hope these more wholesome alternatives will keep the ball rolling.

Schrodinger’s Patient

Does the case of a 33-year-old Dimapur-based trader testing positive for coronavirus belong to Assam or Nagaland? Both and neither. Nagaland claims it is free of COVID-19—the state’s health secretary explains that the patient has been listed in Assam’s case tally as he was diagnosed in Guwahati. But Assam’s updates do not account for the man either, leaving him in a stateless limbo. “If Nagaland wants to keep its slate clean, we cannot do anything about it,” says an Assam health official. Considering how Assam refuses to acknowledge the patient, they are indeed not doing anything about it.

Bad Boa Boys

the lockdown might provide the perfect cover for shady dealings, but turns out that it is hard to outsmart the Karnataka police. Two boys in Bangalore were masquerading as delivery boys to sell two sand boa snakes for Rs 50 lakh. The ‘two-headed’ snakes (their tail and head look alike) are quite valuable in the international market as there are several superstitions associated with them—people believe they secrete ‘anti-ageing chemicals’, bring prosperity and are useful for black magic! The snakes, however, did not bring any prosperity to the boys, who were promptly arrested. But snakes are not the only creatures people are smuggling in Karnataka. A teenager in Mangalore tried to smuggle his friend into his apartment in a suitcase because he was lonely!

Dhak Dhak Corona Laga

“How are Hindu festivals celebrated in Pakistan?” This query of a young man from Gurdaspur district in Punjab posed to a woman in Karachi soon blossomed into a tale of love across borders. They started talking on Facebook in September and by November, Amit Sharma had proposed to Summan RantiLal. Reader, she said yes, but as they say, the course of true love never runs smooth. First, there was the long-distance courtship, then Amit had to convince his family. All eventually panned out well and the wedding was scheduled for June, until the pandemic put a spanner in their plans. But Amit and Summan are willing to wait—lovesickness, we hear, is not as fatal as COVID-19.

Bored To Death?

Now that international travel is shut, what could be the biggest risk factor for contracting COVID-19? Boredom, perhaps. A truck driver in Vijayawada played cards with his friends to kill time, but time was not the only thing he ended up killing—the games resulted in him spreading the disease to 24 people in one locality. Another truck driver’s ennui resulted in 15 people getting the infection in the Krishna Lanka neighbourhood after cards and tambola sessions. Meanwhile, in Punjab, the police caught a man taking his nephew for tuitions. The man tried to hide why he was out, but the five-year-old spilled the beans and even took the police to the tutor’s house, presumably to get some reprieve from classes till the end of the lockdown.

Brevis

Illustrations: Saahil, Text by Saad Ahmed and Alka Gupta