It is here that they put a brake on the constant peering into each other's rose-tinted eyes and start viewing the black and white elements of tolerating each other's physical and emotional warts for a lifetime. Cut off from the rest of the world for 48 hours and shut in with their honourable intentions as well as other likeminded couples contemplating the knotty question, the newly weds-to-be decide just that. To be or be not.
'Engaged Encounter', a course especially designed for those couples wanting to take the plunge into the unknown, is probably the first of its kind in the country. Couples—predominantly Bombay-ites but also from places like Pune, Hyderabad and neighbouring Gujarat—make the weekend trip to find out whether their subsequent journey through life is worth it. It is not a joy ride. For though many go back fulfilled, a few go back with a heavy—and sometimes lonely—heart. The credo of the two-day course is simple: heavy, broken hearts are far easier to deal with than mending broken marriages.
There have been times when the invitation cards have been printed, relatives over the world have been informed and the marriage date has been set; but the couple have certain doubts about each other which cannot be dispelled. In cases like these, the couples have been advised not to marry. As many as 200 of the 4,500 couples who attended the encounter since its inception in 1981 have been compelled to do a rethink and arrive at the heart-wrencher.
"In the old times, things were made for life," muses Father Daniel Ferrando S.J. "My Swiss typewriter has lasted me for 30 years; and my 40-year-old wristwatch is still going strong. Today the ruling mentality if something is not working is: just change it. Why repair a relationship when it is easier to change a spouse.
According to Ferrando, "real love starts when romance ends"—a decision that is definite even after feelings fade. The offshoot of a worldwide programme called 'Marriage Encounter' which is a course designed to rejuvenate marriages more than seven years old, the need for a pre-marriage course was felt when a large number of married couples expressed the feeling that if the pitfalls were pointed out earlier, years of married life would have been saved.
"The technique for both 'Marriage Encounter' and 'Engaged Encounter' remains the same, but the focus is the reverse. In the former, we put the spark back into marriage and in the latter, we strip off the trappings of romance so that couples see things and themselves as they are," explains Ferrando.