Dubious Distinction Awards

LOOKBACK: DUBIOUS DISTINCTION AWARDS

AIR-INDIA FREQUENT FLIER AWARD : ATAL BEHARI VAJPAYEE: For visiting 13 countries on four continents in the calendar year.

B.S. PHALKE GRANT FOR FILM CRITICISM: JAYA JAITLY: For her deep technical interest in video film editing, dubbing, subtitling, montage, mis en scene, and for her critical belief that all film is doctored unless proven genuine.

HONORIS DE CAUSA AWARD: LALOO YADAV, JAYALALITHA: The party of the first part for his first  doctorate degree, and the party of the second part for her fourth.

ISO-9004 FOR OPTIMUM CAPACITY UTILISATION:
M.M. JOSHI: For turning the doghouse that was the HRD ministry into a most productive one.

LOWEST DELIVERY TO HYPE RATIO IN CONTEMPORARY CULTURE: BOOM: For turning out to be the worst film ever made after promising to be the hippest ever made.

PERMANENTLY PRAVASI BHARATIYA PRIZE: DALER MEHNDI: For using Indipop to add to the population of other countries and lightening the burden on his own.

BAGPIPER CONSUMER’S CHOICE AWARD (REFUNDABLE): SANJAY DUTT: For claiming he was so drunk in his Nashik hotel that he had no idea if he had called up Chhota Shakeel or not.

ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SMITTEN AWARD: PHANEESH MURTHY: For surviving the first sexual harassment charge setting up a virtual corporation. Only to have another charge slapped on him.

FRIENDS OF EARTHWORMS AWARD : RELIANCE INFOCOMM: For digging every road, avenue, street, alley, path, boulevard, pavement.

FORKED-TONGUE NO CHOPSTICKS NEEDED AWARD: PERVEZ MUSHARRAF: For balancing ties with America, India, China, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia,
Afghanistan, Taliban, etc.

FOOT IN THE MOUTH FELLOWSHIP: NAVJOT SIDHU AND KRIS SRIKKANTH: For trashing everything India was doing in the World Cup, and having to eat humble pie day after day after day.

THE JFK PLAQUE FOR MOST BIOS INA CALENDAR YEAR: JAWAHARLAL NEHRU: And there are more coming in 2004. (Awarded posthumously.)

THE BUG’S LIFE SCHOLARSHIP: SUNITA NARAIN: For studying the effect of pesticides first on mineral water and then the colas.