Single? You must be gay, lesbian, psychopath, sex-maniac...
Are you getting lots of it; you must be. What kind, and with who? No, you poor thing, you probably aren’t getting any. Are you, ahem, available? Sometimes people will actually voice these thoughts; in ways that most singles, regardless of sexual orientation or experience, find both offensive and intrusive.
Singlehood isn’t a behavioural trait, like flirtation. Nor is it a matter of orientation, like homosexuality. It can encompass such things, but it’s essentially a lifestyle choice, which governs a gamut of issues beyond sex.
Some of that lifestyle has a sexual rub-off, certainly. Singlehood does make going out much simpler because there’s no one to coordinate or negotiate with. And most single people who have friends can and do go out much more than married couples do. This is also why singles often get to meet many more new people, some of whom might well end up as friends or more.
Greater opportunity for sex is nice, but it comes at a price. Few single women will escape having their sexual availability assumed, by strangers at parties, or by acquaintances at work. "Men hit on single women who appear friendly, smoke and drink; just not able to get over the Hindi film vamp stereotype, I suppose," says one woman.
Another recounts with horror how she had male colleagues say to her: "You know, there’s a theory that single women above 30 are always looking for it." "I didn’t have the courage then to say f*** off, but today I do." Even men aren’t immune, often from gay men who may sometimes assume that singles may be gay too, as much as by women in search of a good time. How they respond is a matter of personal temperament and choice, of course. But often several do find the attention a problem.
Despite such issues, it’s clear that plenty of single people in contemporary urban India have sex, even the nice ones you’ll take home to meet your mother. And sexual freedom isn’t their primary reason for going solo, despite all that lurid conjecturing. As one comfortable single woman in her 30s says: "No one expects singles to be without sexual experience any more but for heaven’s sake, it’s not as though that is all there is to our lives."