Actor Shriya Pilgaonkar: I Don't Want To Attach My Self-Worth To Only Hits And Misses

Excerpts from the conversation:

Q. Shriya, I just want to start off by asking you, you know, this is just an interesting character that you are portraying. And, you know, it's something that a lot of people might be a little wary of, that a lot of actors will just think twice before getting into this character because obviously, it's very easy for people to kind of stereotype in this industry. How did you convince yourself that this is something that you would like to take up as a challenge of playing this character?

Actually, I disagree, because I feel like actors don't judge the parts that they play.  Or rather, let me speak for myself, I don't judge the character that I've seen. And

There is a lot of respect when people willingly come into any profession that they choose. So I feel like, for me, I approached this character with a lot of respect. And on the contrary,

I felt like because recently this year, you know, I had a Guilty Mind where I was a lawyer. And I had local news where I was a news reporter, I felt like to me a shift in genre and also a character in terms of a look or a vibe is very important. And hence, Taaza Khabar is an exciting step in that direction. Madhu my character, we don't see much of her life in the brothel, as much as we experience her personality, you know, she's not somebody who has who's lived a life carrying the burden or the weight of the hardships that she's gone through, she's somebody who's very positive, has a lot of aspiration, or, you know, has other passions in life. And she still truly has hope for a better life. And that's how she lives on a day-to-day basis, which I think is incredible. And she also has immense self-respect. And when we see her come forward, her love for Bhuvan character, Vasya, who is a shauchalya manager, correct. Most of them are in very different professions that might be looked down upon in a way, but they both have immense self-respect, and they want a better life. So I thought that these little elements were very different that I could portray for my character. It's not something that required, like convincing or anything I was excited to do from the get-go.

Q. Was it a reference point? Was there something that would prep for the character, like, the director kind of ask you to, you know, go around, you know, just have a look and feel in terms of you know?

Umm, no, so I, myself, I mean, I have had a chance to sort of go and get a sense of the red light area. But before, I mean, during the time that we were filming, I think just with the COVID situation around, I was not comfortable to sort of go and physically be present. But I did read interesting interviews, you know, anonymous interviews of sex workers and for me, that was very important to just understand the state of mind, how they look at themselves, how they perceive their lives, and generally to understand that if there is hope, where does it come from, you know, and that is just something that I did, in general, my approach to every character is very different. Sometimes there will be you know, immense research, there will be immense like a lot of discussions, a lot of breaking down, and then there will be times like in Taaza Khabar, were more free-flowing, of course, for me, I had to work on developing a certain body language for Madhu, a certain dialect that I had to be comfortable with, which all adds to the character. But otherwise, we see a lot of Madhu when you see her equations with people, so Bhuwan and you know, as a bond as Vasya and Madhu was quite effortless, or when you see, Madhu with other characters in the show. So essentially, the character unfolds through the interactions with other people around so it was more of a free-flowing process. And of course, wherever I felt like I could, you know, Tone It Up, tone it down, and the director was obviously there to guide me but yes, you always you want to make sure you're not being a caricature, and you're just like, authentically portraying wherever possible. And I'd also like to add that because this is a drama, it's a dramedy, right, like drama and some elements of comedy in it. I also got to explore the lighter side of this, okay.

Q. I mean, I thought probably it's more like a thriller, in its own way, like the way it's presented

It's drama, a thriller, but there are also elements of comedy with me and when you watch the show, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Q. I'm asking you this because you know, the kind of work that you've done that let's say, for example, Mirzapur or Guilty Mind or Broken News or Taaza Khabar are like the broader genre is a thriller like, you know, there are some thriller elements which are present in all of them. Would you like to talk about this genre? And how, how do you kind of look at it and probably, you know, how do you explore this genre every time we approach it differently?

Actually, if you see most of the content being made has a thriller element to it. You know, you don't see enough of like rom coms, for example, which is also something that I really enjoy. But even within the thriller space, like if your Mirzapur was a hinterland story, right? Broken news is a thriller in the sense it's a slow-born thriller. It's a courtroom drama, it's not a maar dhaar wala thriller whereas even broken news is in that sense, and Taaza Khabar, I would say, is a drama and it is also a comedy. I think, today, a lot of genres. There's like a mixing of genres when you're watching things.

And, personally, the story is the most important thing, like for me, the combination of the story and the character is most important, because I take it as my responsibility to try and, you know, break the more every single time to at least attempt to do something different. I certainly  don't want to be stereotyped in any way or get that opportunity for anybody, to stereotype me. So if I feel like I have recently done enough of a certain genre, I like to switch things up. And to at least aim to, you know, bring out a different character. So Taaza Khabar, in that sense, actually is the most different from what I have done in the past two, three years. In terms of even, you know, the series is slightly more commercial there are 12 songs. In terms of my character, Madhu, it's in a different zone that only once you watch it, you will know what I'm talking about.

Q. You know, you personally adored you in guilty minds. And there were many, many moments when I thought, you know, she's gonna lose her calm but you didn’t. Does this also come from the personal, you know, personal space where you are content in terms of, you know, doing what you're doing as an actor and doing it pretty well? I mean, in terms of, you know, whatever has come out has been appreciated.

Actually, in Guilty Minds. Kashif was required to have that inner heaviness, she actually has a hell lot of frustration. So many times, it was actually difficult for me, because I had to tell a certain heaviness to her because of her past also, right, you have watched the show, you know what I am referring to, she is not able to express herself as freely as she likes outside the court inside the court yet. But for example, Radha and broken news is quite aggressive in my hobbies. So for me, this has nothing to do with Shriya. It has more to do with the demands of the character in that sense.

And sometimes, in fact, Kashab, especially Kashab, has to be perhaps the most complex character I had to play because there were moments in Guilty Mind when I was so tempted to do more. But I knew that this character is not that person who is going to do more in this particular situation. And you're so tempted, sometimes, but I think that's the learning that,

You know, you have to understand the pulse and the emotional instincts of each character that you play. And it's not about trying to be a scene stealer, but it's about being authentic to that particular moment. And that's where my focus is always as an actor, you know, and the more strongly your character comes across, the better you connect with your audience. Right. So, yeah,

Q. But, you know, is this also kind of validation in terms of the appreciation that is coming your way? For, for the first, let's say, for example, a Guilty Mind. Or, you know, Broken News? Is this also a validation of what you wanted to do? And you've taken your own time in terms of you never rushing into things? So when you see things being appreciated, and you know, all the good things coming towards you? Does this validate a lot of things? More?

Most definitely. And I think this year itself has been so encouraging for me because I've, I've had enough experiences in the past wherein I have worked hard I put in the same effort, but maybe the outcome of the project hasn't been what I expected, or maybe something didn't release. You know, so I'm used to that. But I mentally prepare myself for every situation, which is why when Guilty Minds released and the love that it got it really somewhere, it just gave me that feeling of complete fulfillment, because there can be nothing more encouraging when you know, I'm featured on the best performers list alongside actors like Geetananjali Kulkarni, Sakshi Tanvar and these are actors who I have grown up watching my whose performance I truly look up to. So yes, it does feel very good. But at the same time, it's something that I don't take for granted. And I also know that when there is so much content out there being shoved into everyone's face, what is important for me is to be part of projects that are going to leave a mark or to play characters that are going to stand out, even if it means being selective. For me, that's how I want to stay relevant, right? It's not about the quantity of work, I'm doing as much as the recall value that my characters and my work has.. And also, it's not every day, you can have amazing scripts coming your way. But it's not every day that you get to play characters that are actually our characters in fact, like after miserable, I know that Gupta got me like, pan India name and fame and all of that. But I often asked myself, will I be able to portray or will I attract another part like this, which will be known as a character in itself, like, when you hear that name, it brings out certain emotions in you. And I say that for people who enjoy Guilty Minds, Kashab became that person.

So at this stage in my career, to have this opportunity to portray these parts is very special. And yet I know that it might not happen every single time. There are different reasons, you do different things. And I'm okay, there's no one particular way in which I will make my decision. Sometimes it's as simple as, will I have fun in this? And if the answer is yeah, somebody's gonna go ahead and do it.

Q. You know, I just want to continue from there, then, you know, like, as you mentioned, you know, there are some characters that people still, you know, the main be, you know, your characters have remained with the audiences. Would you agree, then, you know, that this platform has given female actors the role and voices that probably big screens would not have given?

Most definitely. I mean, in that sense, it has been game-changing for me. But at the same time, before I answer your question, I do want to add that it is very important to maintain a balance of being in films and working in OTT, because otherwise, I noticed that even when people are taking your interviews or whatever, they tend to just immediately, strangely label you as an OTT actor. I don't even know what that means, like, I don't even know what it means to be called an OTT actor, you know?

And in fact, I'm doing two, three films right now, some of them, it might just be again, on streaming platforms, right? So that balance for me is very important. And what was your larger question in context?

Q. You know, do you feel that OTT has given female actors the role and more voices than big screen?

Yes, absolutely. And, look, we've had amazing films also that wherein we have seen incredible, like, if you see actors like Smita Patel, Tabu, they have played some incredible characters. You know, Kareena,  Alia. Alia being an incredible example so it's not like it doesn't happen. But based on the fact that a series just gives you that much more time to explore a character graph. So when that is that much time also today, we have so many women behind the camera as well. The gaze is super important, right? So when you have gaze, a female gaze, you know, women telling women's stories, that also makes a huge difference. And when I see actors like Shefali, Shah today, Neena Gupta, at this stage, Tillotamma at this stage of their careers, they've all been working for so long. It's very inspiring to me to see that gone are the days when women were made to feel that they had a certain shelf life on screen, you know, that doesn't hold true anymore, which is why I'm not really I don't really make decisions out of your thinking that I only have a certain time to peak and that there is enough content that will continue evolving wherein there will be different paths coming and going hopefully for women across ages

Q. So on that note, if I ask you about the biggest revelations you had by making your space at OTT, what would that be? And how has that kind of defined your existence as an actor?

You know, when you think about what's worked on odd, its characters have worked. People might not even have perhaps in some cases enjoyed the story as much as they enjoyed the characters. So for me, working on character building is very important, especially in the OTT space. You know what I'm saying? I remember when in Paatal Lok, there were one or two scenes with those actors, which were there for one or two scenes, but they stole the show. Yeah, you know, and people remember you for that. So really going back to the fact of without any distractions to keep the focus on getting your character to emotionally connect with people or resonate with people, or leave a mark with people in whatever way is very, very important today, in a series where in most of it is on some, right, it's a fight to be seen, it's a fight to be, it's a fight to connect with people for you to, you know, be remembered. And yeah, I mean, personally, what I do want to do, like I said, is to maintain a balance and to also do different genres, because I did notice that after Guilty Minds and Broken News, I kept attracting very virtual parts. So I felt like I already did like two very good virtual parts. And while I am always open to it, because every story is different and that's my job to make a difference. It's important for me also somewhere to maybe spoon feed the audience what I'm capable of or to try and do things in my capacity, whether it's in terms of a look, or in terms of a part to show that, hey, I can also do this. For that, because people sometimes lack imagination when they're casting you because they make assumptions that you're not capable of doing something, you know, that's always a battle, I feel. But hopefully, things are changing. And maybe whatever little steps I'm trying to make to, you know, try to establish myself as a versatile actor, may help me to attract immensely different parts. So, I mean, I'd love to do an out and out commercial film also, that comes, you know, with the song and dance, that's also but that might not, I might not be thought of very easily in those aspects every single time. So then that's my challenge as to how I attract that. But thankfully, the film I'm shooting right now has elements of that.

But there's the battle and the challenge, it becomes a lot easier back home because you will have parents who have been in the industry. So at the dinner table conversations, or do you kind of bounce off the idea that Okay, listen, this is what I'm doing? Or probably this is something that I've been approached for. What are your thoughts?

No, of course, I like to share, and have conversations with my parents about the work I'm doing, they might not be everyday dinner table conversations. But I think they give me a lot of perspectives, and they never tell me what to do or what not to do. But they help me ask myself the right question, which I think is very important. But at the same time, I have already somewhere instinctively, I know what I'm drawn towards, even before I ask anybody for their opinion, because how else will I be able to trust my own instinct that even if I'm wrong about something, it's okay, but I need to know what where my life is guiding me. Right. And of course, you know, they have their things that they have to share with me from their vast range of experience, and they still act very much actively. So they still have so much. You know, their experience is very important for me. But at the same time, I think it's more than anything else. It's emotionally a good thing, also to deal with the profession better. Because there are good, there have been days and there may be days where things don't go the way I want them to go. And then I have two actors in my life, telling me their experiences also, and maybe how I can tackle for me that is a privilege. And that is a blessing. Because otherwise I have not really used their name or the connection to get work in the industry. But this is a great perspective that I always get. And I think that's very important because I don't want to live a life of meaning stuck in my head. I want to have a larger perspective. I don't want to attach my self-worth to only hits and misses.You know, so that grounding at this age is very, very important because it's so unpredictable the industry they're in. I don't want to be at the mercy of it.