“At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.”
-Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Reimer
The two pandemic years have been rude. They snatched away lives and loved ones parted without saying goodbye. Thoughts, prayers and tears – these are dwelling places for the departed. We asked our readers to write notes to the departed; people who may have played a significant role in their lives, but left too early or abruptly. Here are a few…
'Death came to you just like that'
Baba,
It has been close to five months of losing you. You fought though, from a point of despondency towards a silver lining of recovery and in the process, we got hopeful too; hopeful about winning you back from the throes of this unforgiving illness.
The further I travelled from your ethereal presence, the closer I felt to you. With every cloud of your heavy absence passing through me, I got to see you so much more clearly. All my life, I have resisted your energy so adamantly. Look at me now, wanting to accouter myself with your sensitivity and depth every day.
Baba, I can now see how death comes as a finality. Like a sudden end, sometimes when you are learning to live the time you have set aside for yourself.
Death came to you just like that – to rob you of the life you worked so hard to keep aside for yourself.
With you gone is gone the last bit of childhood left in me. Sometimes I hate you for having me grow up so fast, so pitilessly. Other times, I just feel glad to have grown up in the difficulty of your presence; it prepared me for life, you prepared me for life.
Yours, with love
Neha
7/01/2022
'A goodbye I never wished I'd have to say'
Abhinavo,
This isn't how I pictured life would turn out to be for us. Never imagined I'd have to say goodbye and at the same time not even get the chance to say goodbye. You were one of a kind, you were my best friend, and you made my world shine just a little bit brighter on the darkest of days.
I wish I knew that the days seemed so much darker for you in general and that you were in so much pain. Struggling and battling life, one day at a time with a smile on your face. I'm sorry you felt that the only answer was cutting things short. The pain you left behind for the rest of us is something that'll echo for as long as the rest of us exist in this world without you.
This is the goodbye I never wished I'd have to say, but it is what it is. My life will never be the same without you, but I'll be trying to do better.
Watch over me as I carry you in my heart forever. Until we meet again.
Yours, with love
Ryan
25/11/2021
'I ring the doorbell, hoping you’d open it'
Mom,
I wish this really reached you.
Do you remember how all the relatives would call me Kak’s ‘nich’ (Kak= your nickname, nich= daughter), even before they knew it? And I’d just be happy to be known that way because you were the prettiest woman I’d seen. It's tough to look in the mirror and not see you, in me.
I pass your room expecting you’d be sitting, and call my name when you saw me too. Sometimes I ring the doorbell, hoping you’d open it. And then it all hits me.
No, I am not on intermittent fasting anymore. I am eating well now. You’d also be proud to see how I have been managing the house and keeping it tidy because Papa makes it really tough! You really were a superwoman.
I didn’t know I would struggle so much and miss you so bad. You always thought that I was dad’s princess but no, I think I am clearer on that part now. Only if this realisation could have come in any other way.
I miss our cuddles, Mumma. I couldn’t even touch you for one last time.Can you come back, for that last cuddle?
Yours, with love
Priyanka
05/02/2022
'Watch me from behind those eyelids'
Dad,
It’s more difficult than what they say.
I don't know what this loss exactly feels like; of not seeing you around when parents were all I had as a family. Every day is a thousand funerals of emotions, screaming to have your spark back while I burn out.
I don't know whether we lost or won this heart-wrenching battle, but as they say, you're at peace, away from this diseased reality. But how do I stop myself from dying to hear you, dad? What are the ways?
Or maybe don't, just be around and about, watching from behind those eyelids and I'll meet you there, sooner or later, shedding tears over a long, long unfinished experience.
I love you. I miss you. And I needed you.
Yours, with love
Mon
11/08/2021
