Coming to know one's beloved is deeply affected due to a serious illness, maybe cancer; it is even heartbreaking. Besides, it can be a real torture when you see them suffer such a painful disease. You can wonder if you are the one capable of providing the changing support. Remember that no universal textbook exists in this life when one is discussing a situation like this. Be considerate and focus on your relationship with the person and try to do the things which will make him or her feel good. It is possible that you may feel a little awkward or even scared, yet it is very imperative to remain the same as the person was to you in the past. Your problems venturing into the uncertainty of the situation are also quite important as you have to keep them secure.
Supporting a friend who has been diagnosed with cancer requires patience, understanding, and compassion. Here are some ways you can be there for them:
1. Be Present and Listen Actively
Cancer brings a mix of emotions-fear, grief, frustration, and sometimes even anger. Your friend's feelings might change daily, and that's normal. Let them guide the conversation, choosing what they wish to share. Sometimes, they may not want to talk, and at other times, they may need to vent or express sadness. Simply being there and listening without judgment, without offering solutions, can be incredibly comforting. You don't have to know the "right" thing to say, just acknowledge what they're going through and offer a listening ear.
2. Learn About Their Condition
Understanding your friend's diagnosis and treatment process can help you better empathize with what they're facing. Educating yourself through reliable resources-like the Cancer Council website or similar-can make it easier to support them and reduce your own worries. This knowledge means you can have meaningful conversations without expecting them to explain every detail, especially when they're tired or feeling overwhelmed. Just remember that their medical team will provide the most accurate and personal guidance, so avoid sharing unsolicited advice or alternative treatments.
3. Check In Regularly and Offer Flexibility
Cancer treatment can feel isolating, so regular check-ins-texts, calls, or short visits can help your friend feel connected and supported. Sometimes, a simple chat, sharing a funny story, or a light- hearted moment can offer a welcome distraction. Be mindful, though, their needs may vary. Some days, they may crave company, while other days, they may need rest. Always ask if it's a good time to visit, and be ready to reschedule if they're unwell or their immune system is compromised. Celebrate small milestones, like the end of a treatment phase, to bring positivity into their journey.
4. Provide Practical Support in Meaningful Ways
Actions often speak louder than words, and practical help can make a huge difference. Offer to drive them to medical appointments, pick up groceries, or handle household chores that may feel overwhelming to them. Even meals can be a great help, but be aware that their appetite and food preferences might shift due to treatment side effects-ask about any dietary needs first. You can also help with family tasks, like babysitting or pet care, to ease some of their daily responsibilities. If they're interested, you might explore mindfulness classes together or help them connect with cancer support groups, which can be a wonderful source of comfort and shared understanding.
Through these small but meaningful actions, you'll provide valuable support and strength to your friend as they navigate the challenges of cancer. Just being there, showing understanding, and adjusting your support to their needs can truly make a difference
Unhelpful Things to Say to a Person With a Serious Illness
Surely, you wouldn't do something to make your friend's feelings hurt, but quite often, the words you say come out to be offensive or rude without you being aware of them. Below, some common phrases to avoid.
"I know exactly how you feel." Although you might have gone through a severe illness, you wouldn't know the exact way your friend is feeling, so don't lie to them. Thereby it becomes a bit unclear how serious their condition is since in their view, it is the most important thing in the world.
"When (e.g. John) had this diagnosis, (worse) happened to him" The thing that a person with a severe illness doesn't want to hear is another person's story. You may be under the impression that you are helping them or have introduced a hope-filled angle, however, you never know how people with a serious diagnosis may internalize your well-meaning anecdotes.
"You're so brave" or "You're so strong." A person may consider that saying this phrase to a friend with a serious illness is a very supportive gesture, and maybe it is the case sometimes. But, on the other hand, telling somebody they are the Brave and strong one may force them to put on a mask instead of just being themselves. A person with a serious illness could have power in many days but on some days the same person won't because of that and that's absolutely normal. By this, they may feel as if they are to blame for not getting better when sickness is what they are dealing with. For instance, they could have fought harder and been stronger, so they would get well. They shouldn't be on the receiving end of this burden or even responsible for something they did not create.
Saying things like, “You look different,” or joking about weight changes can be hurtful to someone facing a serious illness. They’re likely aware of physical changes, and comments about appearance or weight can feel insensitive. Weight fluctuations might not feel like a positive change, and they might already feel self-conscious. Instead, focus on offering support and encouragement without drawing attention to their appearance. Let them guide conversations about how they feel and be mindful that small remarks can have a big impact.
Through these small but meaningful actions, you'll provide valuable support and strength to your friend as they navigate the challenges of cancer. Just being there, showing understanding, and adjusting your support to their needs can truly make a difference
