A few weeks ago, when Amardeep Sinha returned home from work, he was so mentally and physically fatigued that instead of checking up on his 10-year-old daughter, which he would normally do, he went straight to bed. In the next room, in the two-room flat provided by the government for the economically weaker section, his daughter lay in pain with a medical condition that requires 24/7 service.
Amardeep has been the prime caregiver for both his family and an old-age home in the city. He does diapering and dressing in a center for the elderly during the day. In the evening and onwards, he spends time with his daughter, giving her hope and companionship.
But that day, the migrant from Bihar succumbed to the pressures and dangers of caregiving that had been mounting for over a year at the city old-age home. He simply didn’t have the capacity to tend to his daughter. It was becoming a pattern.
There are many such caregivers battling on multiple fronts and while the specifics of each caregiver’s story are unique, the stressors they face are agonizingly common.
Providing elderly care a monumental endeavour
It’s extremely difficult to come to a standard figure, but over a 100 million Indians are providing both formal and informal support to people over 50 or older in nursing homes and old-age homes, and many of them are struggling under psychological pressure of constantly looking after ageing people. That number will only grow as the nation ages.
Caregivers are slowly becoming a population at risk, reporting multiple challenges, both physical and mental. This emerging phenomenon puts the elderly in the old-age homes, and at home, at risk of being neglected.
How can a caregiver wholeheartedly serve if his personal condition is hanging in the balance?
Dolly Chhabra, a 52-year-old owner and caretaker of Star Helping Hands, an old-age-home dedicated to the well-being of the elderly, faces extreme stress on a daily basis. However, her commitment towards the underprivileged elderly keeps her going.
“Mentally, it’s quite exhausting as there are about 7-8 psychiatric patients that need round-the-clock care. With some help, I prepare food, help maintain their basic hygiene – changing diapers to dressing and listen to their deepest fears and desires. When they share, they feel light. But at the end of the day, while I feel deep satisfaction for having made a small difference, I also feel a significant part of me suffer.”
Nitin Kumar, a 35-year-old caretaker at Abha Abhas, despite facing difficulties, hardly misses a day at work. His motivation? He believes in karma. He will be old one day, and he wouldn’t want to be lonely and abandoned.
“I take great joy in cooking with love for the elderly. Because I generally take care of people with dementia, it’s very challenging to keep patience and remain tolerant. I also accompany senior citizens to hospitals for routine checkups. While it’s very fulfilling to help, I also wish I could give more time to myself, for my personal well-being as the stress of the job takes a huge toll.”
At the Asra old-age-home, 36-year-old caretaker Sumitra Devi prepare food and feeds with her own hands, changes cloths, assists bed-ridden elderly, changes diapers & cleans urine-stained beds and chats with those under depression. All in a day’s work.
“Sometimes I want to quit. But when I see the grim faces of the abandoned elderly, I’m somehow able to transcend my own challenges. Because I spend around 10 hrs a day at Asra, my family time is also compromised. But I hope to carry on.”
Caregivers are generally treated as ghosts. We see them every time we visit an old-age home. We pass by them and see through them like they didn’t exist.
“At old-age homes, the staff is under extreme duress. With less pay and lack of perks, they are mostly going through the motion when attending to an elderly. We’ve seen that sometimes their condition becomes worse than the elderly he’s there to look after. We need to have a holistic outlook to empower every element in the ‘elderly ecosystem’,” said Gargi Lakhanpal, director of Vridhcare, a not-for-profit humanitarian organisation that has been supporting a vast network of elderly centers across India and is now working towards finding a system that recognises and rewards those involved in India’s care system.
Caregiving can be stressful, but it does not need to be thankless. Until we learn to value the spirited, selfless contributions of caregivers along with the quality of life for their aging relative or a resident in an elderly community center, there will be two people enduring a difficult life, not just one.
