Hilarity Garden

The renewed closeness between this city and Washington has claimed its first victim. No, not Osama bin Laden or the Kashmir valley—fears of losing the propaganda war have led to the Pakistanis (and their friends, the Americans) ordering a halt to the daily comedy sketch known as the Taliban ambassador’s press conference. For many of us in this often sterile town, this was the highlight of the day. Around the same time as the Pakistani foreign ministry was denying the latest rumours, Mullah Adbul Salam Zaeef would summon us to his garden for a ritual condemnation of America followed by a parade of hilarious questions and even funnier answers. Often the lush lawn of the Taliban embassy became a theatre of war in itself as 30 or more TV cameramen clashed with photographers and print hacks pressing close to the dais to hear Zaeef’s quiet tones. The loudspeakers worked only occasionally and then just with bursts of howling feedback as the crucial quote was emerging. And those questions! A young New Zealand reporter, desperate for the front page, practically begs Mullah Zaeef to threaten bodily harm against Kiwi special forces who will join the Americans at some future, secret date. "Where is New Zealand?" asks the mild Mullah. "Sir," brays an unmistakably New York voice, "are the Taliban connected to the outbreak of anthrax?" The ambassador looks puzzled, then brightens up and mumbles something in Pashto. His translator, a towering Pashtoon with a black eye-patch, grins broadly and says: "We don’t even know what anthrax is." Laughter echoes from the assembled cynics in the audience and, as ever, they all leave the embassy telling funny stories about the Taliban. I dare say that’s not quite the image that Washington wants to see emanating from the enemy camp.