After the recent skyjacking, experts are working overtime. They want to make sure thatthe Kandahar situation is never repeated. Experts like K.P.S. Gill are bandying aboutsuggestions to prevent future hijackings. All these experts are wasting their time. Wewill never become efficient enough to prevent such occurrences. What we should do insteadis to improve our negotiating skills. I have devised a foolproof plan to avert futuretragedies solely through skilful negotiation. This is my plan.
The next time there is a skyjacking, the prime minister should immediately assumepersonal charge of the negotiations. He should tell the skyjackers that he will bargain onone condition. The skyjackers must release all passengers. In their place they might keephostage 75 ministers of the central government. No skyjacker in the world could possiblyrefuse such an offer. Imagine, 75 ministers of a central government held as hostages!Having accomplished this, the prime minister will be in a position to start seriousnegotiations in the full glare of the media.
"What do you skyjackers want?" the prime minister will ask.
"Release 50 terrorists," the skyjackers will say.
"Go to hell," the prime minister will say.
"We will torture the hostages," the skyjackers will snarl.
"Do your worst," the prime minister will retort. "I will not bend!"
The whole nation will rally around the prime minister. "Let them torture ourministers," people will say. "The nation will never surrender!"
Even the relatives of the hostage ministers will tell the prime minister. "Standfirm, sir! We don't care if the ministers never return-you may sacrifice them for thenation!"
After this, three possible things could happen. First, during the protractednegotiations our resourceful ministers might succeed in corrupting the skyjackers and buytheir freedom.
Secondly, the ministers could defect and join the skyjackers to ruin their efficiency andeffectiveness.
And finally, the skyjackers might ensure that we never see our ministers again. If thathappens there will be national mourning for a full seven seconds. But after that no MPfrom any party would like to become a minister. The prime minister would then have a freehand to appoint a cabinet of talent from outside Parliament. The government at last couldget down to the business of good governance.
Go ahead, get rough,
We too can be tough!
Torture ministers any way,
We'll enjoy TV all day!
