Bull's Eye

"Only four more years for the PM to complete his term,'' he said. ''We mustthink of a successor!''

"Yes, but who can it be?'' I asked.

''On present reckoning we support Advaniji. His politics is absolute bullshit. Wethink he should be the next PM.''

''I don't understand! Why support him in that case?''

''Who else is there?'' he asked. ''We think the politics of Murli Manohar Joshiand George Fernandes is absolute horseshit. As for youngsters like Pramod Mahajan, well,their politics is absolute dogshit. The politics of the rest is just catshit.

''His eyes softened as he added. ''As for Advaniji? Wow! We think his politics ispure bullshit! Clearly, he is our man!''

''Ah yes,'' I stammered. ''I think I see what you mean.''

''Mind you,'' he added. ''It is still an open question. Sometimes we think thatwhat the nation needs is the soft, healing touch of a woman. But of course it would haveto be someone who could truly represent the ideals of Hindu womanhood. We can't findanyone.''

''What about Sushma Swaraj?''

''Are you kidding? After the way she criticised the leadership and muscled her wayback to the cabinet? No way!''

''I suppose then you would also rule out Uma Bharati.''

''Absolutely! We rule out Mamata too. What we are looking for is the ideal Hinduwoman. She should be like an innocent cow. Such a woman could be the perfect leader ofBharat Mata.''

''And you can't find a single woman politician to meet your standards?''

''Well, there is one woman leader we considered very seriously. She is the closestto our Hindu ideals. She is modest. She mostly remains tongue-tied. She likes the men todo the thinking and the talking. From all accounts, she is disciplined and says what sheis advised to say. She is also dignified. In fact we think she can be trained to become aperfect cow.''

''That's terrific! Why not groom her?

''He looked sad. ''Her name doesn't sound right. She is called Sonia.''

We are witty
And we're wise,
But we're shitty
For our size!