India and China have had 5,000 years of friendship divided by the world's highest mountains. Is there anything at all common to both nations? There is. One pressing problem comes instantly to mind. After sars broke out, China has been struggling to end spitting in the streets. This problem confronts India too. Why can't Vajpayee and Hu start their dialogue by dealing with the problem of spitting?
If we control spitting, it would have consequences that go far beyond containing sars. Talks for almost forty years on the Sino-Indian border dispute have proceeded thus:
The Chinese delegate throws the Indian map on the table contemptuously and hisses: "I spit on your map of the McMahon Line, pshhhook!"
The Indian delegate retaliates by throwing down the Chinese map and snarls: "And I spit on your map of Aksai Chin, pshhhhook...splat!" The splat occurs because unlike the Chinese we spit on the wall instead of the ground. If both nations stop spitting, wouldn't the whole tenor of our border talks change?
If Vajpayee does succeed in engaging Hu on the topic of spitting, he would earn China's grudging respect and envy. Chinese claims of being socialist would quickly pale before Indian reality. China gets twenty times more foreign investment than does India. Declaring that the east is red is all very well. But why then is Chinese spit just a sickly white?
Indian spit is pure revolutionary red. Paan and gutka ensure that. The robust colour of Indian spit has created a roaring trade for paint companies. Indian walls have to be frequently repainted. Indeed, China could sign a contract with our prime minister. His voters in Lucknow have raised spitting to the level of pure art. If China gave them a free hand, they could paint its entire Great Wall red.
Confucius once said: "Never spit against the wind."
Mao said: "The East wind will prevail over the West wind."
Therefore, it is better to spit westward than eastward. Why can't India and China stop spitting at each other and start spitting with each other? Together they are one third of mankind. They have the power to drown the west in spit.
And, never forget: spit is thicker than water.
