A 'native intellectual', suggested Frantz Fanon, the great freedom fighterfrom Martinique, is essential to the development of any great nation as it comesinto its own after decades of colonization. Fanon, a complex thinker by nature,evolved a whole theory of how intellectuals could and should participate in thelife of their country. They had to find ways to engage with ordinary people andtheir aspirations and to think about the many meanings of freedom, justice anddemocracy beyond simply replacing white rulers with black or brown ones. Nativeintellectuals would need, above all, to discard their smug complacency, learn tobe self-critical and forge international alliances with like-minded others.(Though from Martinique, he himself worked alongside the Algerian anti-colonialmovement).
But these old freedom fighter types, our own Gandhi and Tagore included,really were rather long-winded and needlessly sophisticated. Who can blame them?They missed the cyber age where we do things faster and with a lot lessagonizing over details and nuance. Here, in India, we can now produce the Newand Authentic National Intellectual (NANI) in double-quick time, futta-fut.Here's how you can become one in Ten Easy Steps:
1. First, position yourself at all times as the Real Indian, the one whostayed behind selflessly to serve nation and countrymen while others havedeparted for foreign shores. You have remained (or returned) to live the simplelife in your old family pile in Alipore or Prithviraj Road or Benson Town.
2. Locate a handy counterfoil, a Ravan to your Ram. These are easy enough tofind. Rummage through the heaving NRI hordes coming back to (your) homethis December. A couple of likely prototypes immediately present themselves. Inpractice, they may be polar opposites and sworn enemies, but that should notdeter you from handily clubbing them together. So, take a rabid Hindu chauvinistand a secular academic-activist and pop-psychoanalyse both as alienated loserswho have lost their way by living away from the motherland. The fact that theirpolitics and views may have been formed during their long years growing up orstudying in India is neither here nor there. Where the academic is concerned,long years of published research into Indian history, culture or economics isalso irrelevant.
3. This will also enable you to place yourself as the Eminently Reasonableman in the middle between two Extremes. The truth, of course, is geographicallycertified, to lie 'in-between.' Anyone who thinks that this position (like TonyBlair's Third Way) is somewhat facile and easily arrived at is an extremist tobegin with anyway.
4. A NANI, while selfless, also needs to eat. Fear not, you do not actuallyneed to lecture at an Indian college or work for the Indian civil services toearn your daily bread. That would needlessly fetter your creativity. Writepopular books which will be widely sold in the free and individual West wherethey love their 'native' writers anyway. (If one of these books can praise NRFsor Non-Resident Firangs who devote their lives to India and her 'tribes,' somuch the better). The royalties will keep you in Fab India silk kurtas for therest of your life. Please note that this is different from and vastly morallysuperior to actually living in one of these grey northern lands and getting yourgrubby monthly paycheck (from which income tax is actually deducted) there.
5. If you need to do research for your books in well-resourced libraries, youcan easily get lucrative visiting fellowships or short-term teaching contractsat Cambridge or Harvard or Yale. (After all, you cannot really be expected toproduce your words of wisdom sitting at the decaying National Library or evenswish Teen Murti alone). This way, you can retain the glow of rectitude thatbeing a Resident Indian gives you. Jet-setting and networking with the GlobalGreat and the Good is, in any case, a form of national service.
6. Relatedly, don't worry too much if you yourself have undertaken yourundergraduate or graduate study at one of these prestigious foreign institutionsor even if you have taught there for a while. But please, do take due care tounderplay this where you can or it may seriously affect your ability to beperceived as a real NANI. You need to be able to roundly denounce the Indianacademics who live and teach abroad without any hint of compromise on your end.You, after all, are sweating it out on the coalface at the IIC or Habitat Centrewhile they are swanning around in New Haven or Warwick. These suckers actuallyteach for a living.
7. Now, while you dutifully condemn religious chauvinists (as all refinedpeople must, dear boy) you must not lose sight of your real bete noire. This iswhat you term the 'Non-Resident Political Radical' (NRPR) -- professionals andacademics based abroad (there being, of course, no political radicals or 'desileftists' in India itself). This type of academic don is the real threat tonational well-being and security. In terms of the calendar year, they may spendjust as much time in India as you do abroad, but they must be reminded at everypossible turn that they, unlike you, are Inauthentic and Deluded. So writevitriolic denunciations of Indian academics abroad at every availableopportunity, including in academic books published abroad. Remember, youcannot do this too often.
8. Remind everyone that you yourself have your fingers on the Pulse of theMasses. (If challenged, point out that you have servants which even the mostwell-paid of these NRI types don't, certainly not the dons). The Masses, you canassure us unequivocally (because, after all, you talk to your bai, driver andmali) are unanimously in favour of every unfettered aspect of globalization. Oh,yes, even when it means loss of land or livelihood, polluted water supplies orill-treatment in a Gap supply-chain sweatshop. Small price to pay for IndiaShining after all. And remember, Non-Resident Capital is far superior toNon-Resident Indians unless the latter happen to be providing the former. Theseuseless NR-academics don't have two pennies to invest into a Bangalore start-upanyway.
9. If Indian academics who happen to be based abroad raise questions aboutthe possible downsides of unchecked globalization, you can toss them into thedustbin of history in one fell swoop. Again, conflating different historical andpolitical contexts is a handy tool--Cuba, China, Burma, Kazakhstan, theCongo--all are socialist 'autarkic autocracies' which these deluded dons want totransform our beloved nation into. (You can take the opportunity to reveal thehitherto little-known fact that Burmese generals are apparently seeking toconvert their country into a socialist utopia, along with the big oil companieswho are, of course, well-known supporters of socialism). Like McCarthy didfor the United States, simply imply that all dissent is part of a vastanti-Indian left-wing conspiracy. If the (non-existent) desi leftist writer orintellectual based in India happens to also dare to voice critique, write avicious denunciatory screed and dispatch them into obscurity forthwith.
10. Finally, and this is important so that you too not become alienated like them,end your perorations on a constructive note. This can be done with a soothingpaean to all 'humans' to which category the 'right sort' of NRI are deemed tobelong. Humans are people who agree with you. They don't get up your nose, yankyour goat, or articulate critique. Above all, they are unlikely, in any way, tochallenge your undisputed supremacy as Pundit of the Postcolonial Nation.
Priyamvada 'Main Hoon Don' Gopal is a suspected NRPR who has just tumbledoff the plane from Cambridge/London at Bangalore Airport. A shorter version ofthis piece appears in print; it first appeared on the website on December18
