Comic Relief

Gallows humour? Bad taste? Trivialisation? Or just good old fashioned cracks? You decide.

Updated on: 5 February 2022 10:40 pm

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Comic Relief

With frozen images of planes crashing into the twin towers, followed by disbelief, anger and a countrywide anthrax phobia, the brash, carefree American may now well be a historical specimen. But on US prime-time TV, talk show hosts haven’t lost all hope. Call it post-gallows humour. Here are some gems from Jay Leno and David Letterman:

This bin Laden guy is creepy looking. Don’t you miss the old days when the only millionaire living in a cave was Batman? Things are so different in Afghanistan than here. Like over there, if a couple commits adultery, they get stoned. Here we get stoned, then commit adultery.

The ground war in Afghanistan has begun. The big thing now is who will have the power in Afghanistan once the Taliban is removed. I have an idea—I have an idea! How about Al Gore? He’s not doing anything, he needs a job and he already has a beard.

A lot of businesses are hurting right now. You know, one that is booming right now, though—the dating service industry. People come together and want to date at times like this. It makes sense—with anthrax, herpes doesn’t sound so bad at a time like this.

The scariest phrase in the English language right now is, "Hey, you’ve got mail!"

Do you remember the old days when the mail was safe and the mailman was dangerous?

CNN is arranging to interview Osama bin Laden. Bin Laden trusts CNN because Larry King is the only person to have more wives than he does.

Now I understand why they cancelled the Emmys. Everyone is afraid of opening those envelopes!

In Washington, DC, there was some good bipartisanship this week after the anthrax scare. Both Republicans and Democrats said, "Let’s get the hell out!"

I am feeling a little weird tonight—I mixed my Viagra with Cipro.

Disney is putting Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs out on DVD. You know where this is going to be a big hit? In Afghanistan. It features a virgin living with seven bearded guys that work in a cave.

Scientists have invented a new device to be installed in pacemakers that will call your doctor when your heart is showing signs of weakness. It’ll call your doctor right up when you’re having heart trouble. That’s amazing. When Dick Cheney heard about this he said, "I can’t afford phone bills like that."

I’m in a good mood, although I’m a little jumpy. I think it’s because I’m wearing my biohazard underwear!