"If my car breaks down I call friends, not my brother, when I am blue they comfort me more than my mother and I party with buddies, not cousins," declares Delhi-based advertising professional Sanyukta Bhasin, 27. Calcutta’s thirtysomething couple Arpita and Binoy Chatterjee empathise with this sentiment. Their neighbours, Krishna and Partho Roy, are the family they’d rather have. "We share everything, walking in and out of each other’s apartments and lives without formalities. Krishnadi’s daughter applies bhaiphota (symbolic celebration of sister-brother bonding) to my son."
Peer networks, says jnu sociologist Imtiaz Ahmad, are replacing kin networks. "Especially for daily crisis management in our metro lives today. Unlike relatives, friends usually have much in common—incomes, lifestyles, aspirations—making bonding easier, and certainly more in keeping with individual choice that is the driving force while forging relationships today."
Divorcee Sushmita Kalhan, 40, has a flatmate and friend in Sudha Sen, single at 33. They’d met when both arrived with new jobs in Delhi about eight years ago, and became roommates to subsidise their rents. Their incomes have increased manifold since, but they’re still together. Says Sushmita: "We are a family for all practical purposes, we’ve grown up together. Even if Sudha gets married and shifts out, I’ll be her family." Friends are, after all, forever.
