It took Lee Leadbetter and his wife, Jennifer, five years and an evening walk in the wash of the setting sun to decide adopting two children from a different race. "I was influenced by a youth service trip to Texas at age 16 where I worked with Hispanic kids. There are millions of orphans in the world necessitating an overwhelming need for people to step in," says Leadbetter, a 42-year-old pastor in the U.S. The Leadbetters went past the inordinately long bureaucratic process to ultimately adopt two girls of African descent, age 4 and 6 years, from Haiti. "These kids were in addition to two of our own biological sons," he says.
The number of people in the U.S. adopting children from different races has steadily increased. It grew from a dismal 8 percent in 1987 to 40 percent in the previous decade, according to a national survey of adoptive parents undertaken by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Also, the willingness to adopt children from a different race grew to 87 percent in the U.S., according to a national survey of family growth.
However, adopting children from a different race involves more than just having a will and negotiating the bureaucratic hurdles. It entails integrating the children first into the adoptive family, and then in school and society. Adoption also means sacrificing life steeped in a predictable quality of relationship, Leadbetter says. But the obstacles, perceived or otherwise, did not deter the couple who zeroed in on Haiti, a country where an earthquake had killed tens of thousands of people in 2009. "Some of our close relatives resisted the idea; race may have been a reason. That, however, did not stop us," he says.
Such children have a tough time adjusting to their adoptive parents, society, and in some cases, country. "Children have to get used to the family's culture. From as small a thing as shaking hands with people to lingering attachment issues from the orphanage, the younger a child is, the sooner he is able to adjust," said Todd Harding, a family counsellor.
The best thing to have happened in the U.S. is that people are more accepting of interracial adoptions, he says. The journey, though exciting and full of bliss, had its tough moments for the Leadbetters. "It was a massive life change for my wife, and she needed counselling to be a good adoptive mother," Leadbetter says. Also, his younger son, Phillip, started showing signs of irritability and resentment toward the adoptive children. "We were open and honest with our sons about their desires and fears," he says. With time his sons learned to share their space with their adoptive sisters.
Unlike the Leadbetters whose adoptive children soon blended into the family, Michael Drew, a Caucasian school teacher in the U.S., had lifelong issues of race with his adopted children who were of African American heritage. "Trouble started in school when kids would hurl jibes at them for being African American," he says. His two adopted children, besides a biological daughter of his own, would regularly return home with questions about race and identity that he and his wife found tough to answer. Brought up in a predominantly white neighbourhood, Drews' adopted children had to cope with being mostly surrounded by people of a different colour. "Even finding a birthday card with an African American boy emblazoned on it became an onerous task," he says.
"My children went on to marry whites, but I think race was an issue with them especially while growing up," Drew says. In hindsight, he says, it would have been better for him to have moved to a mixed neighbourhood — one having whites and people of colour in almost equal proportions. Finding acceptance in school matters a lot for children, and the Drews were no exception. "We got it all — from disbelieving stares from other parents to the occasional why-did-you-have-to-adopt query — that made our adopted kids squirm," he says. What hurt his adopted kids the most was their fellow students' barbs on being introduced as African American brothers to a white girl, Drew said. Leadbetter also acknowledged having received less-than-approving stares from several African Americans at games, among other social events. "We can take care of our own, is what such frowns mean," he says.
Experts say adoptive parents of children from a different race have to walk the proverbial extra mile to ensure the kids know who they are and are also proud of their identity. From educating children about heroes belonging to their race to seeking out families in similar circumstances and helping kids overcome grief about their past is what adoptive parents should do to ensure such children grow up with a strong identity of their own, experts suggest. Only broad-minded people will adopt children from a different race. Therefore, such parents will have less trouble than their adopted children in accepting the situation, Harding says.
The long-term consequences of interracial adoptions remain unclear, though. Supporters of such adoptions say it will have a strong and positive impact on such children, while opponents of inter-racial adoptions contend that it would seek to scar the psychology of the adopted children. In terms of a positive push from the U.S. government in encouraging interracial adoption, the Multi-Ethnic Placement Act mandates that adoption agencies receiving funds from the U.S. government cannot deny or even delay adoption solely on the basis of racial differences.
However, adopting children from a different race can be a life changing experience for many. "With one's own biological children it is a natural and powerful love. But with adopted kids love will only grow," Leadbetter says. "Real love is to serve even when there are no rewards."
For the Leadbetters there is no turning back. "We will do it again, even with all the challenges," he avers.
