Main Hoon Don
Its not often that Dawood Ibrahim calls you up. Hephoned us in October 97, after a cover story we did on organised crime, to present"certain facts that may prompt you to change your judgement and provide your readersmy views on the subject." "D" said he was no stranger to unsubstantiatedand baseless reports in a section of the Indian media, and denied any share inthe narcotics trade. All his income was totally legal and declared. And, hinting at thefodder scam, he said he wanted the country to judge who was guilty: he or those who intheir quest to multiply their millions didnt even spare the food of animals."(I Am Not Public Enemy NumberOne, October27,1997)
Watchamacallit
In April 1997, we compiled a salad of new-fangledjargon for ordinary words: comfort station (for toilet); tits on the keyboard (faultykeyboards), dinosaur mating (merger/ buyout), incredibly hairy (too complicated), goomba(know-all climbers), bottom-up marketing (common sense), wet-blanketing (a drop ininterest in a particularly interesting story); conquer world hunger (somethingunachievable), propeller head (techies). (Create Your Own WordSalad, April 2, 1997)
Meeting Mr Maino
In February 1998, Jawid Laiq recalled a meeting withSonia Gandhis father, Stefano Maino, at the family home in a slushy lane outsideTurin. "At that time, in 1977, shortly after the Emergency, Maino was not too happyabout Sonias Indian connections. He resignedly noted: After Soniasmarriage, everyone thinks we have got rich and made free trips to India. But wevepaid for everything ourselves. Sonias marriage has been an expensive thing forus. He also mentioned that Sonia,
Rajiv and children and their ayah, too, used todescend on Orbassano, causing considerable expense. However, he claimed he had helpedIndias foreign exchange by encouraging his friends to visit India as tourists." (Meeting Mr. Maino, Feb 23, 1998)
DIY Petrol
Ramar Pillais magic unravelled by RakeshKalshianTake 25 g herbs, 30 g wood bark, a pinch of ash, one lemon, 10 g commonsalt, 2-3 drops petrol and an undisclosed solid chemical powder. Add 1000 ml of water.Cover vessel with a cloth and leave for 5 minutes. Add 50-100 ml cold water and anundisclosed liquid chemical. Leave mixture for 20 min. Result: Fuel! GrandIllusion?, October 16, 96
Bye, Bye Bacchus
In November 97, Y.P. Rajesh went to check outKarnataka chief minister J.H. Patel: "As dusk sets in, it is a strange sight to seehim without his regulars, friends, aidesand scotch. Patel has kicked the bottle onthe advice of an ayurvedic doctor and Sarvamangala, his wife of 38 years, is thrilled.Good things in life are meant to bring happiness. What is the fun of drinking if itbecomes a cause of suffering, Patel says philosophically. Just how much did he drinkearlier? My friends were fun-loving and nobody knew who drank how much eachnight. Scotch for a socialist? Patel quotes Bertrand Russell: Liberalism inhumans started from liquor. The Evenings Are Boring WithoutBacchus, Nov 10, 1997
DIY Kabab
We asked foodie Jiggs Kalra to tells us how Lucknowsfamed galouti kabab were smoked: "Crush 4 green cardamoms.Heat 1tbs of ghee in afrying pan, add the cardamom, stir over low heat until red, remove and keep aside. Put afew live pieces of charcoal in a small metal bowl, spread the mince around thebowl, spread the stirred cardamom along with the ghee on the charcoal, cover with a lidand smoke for 30 minutes...." Tundas MagicTaste, October 30, 1996
Thundering Thighphoons
In May 2000, Sutapa Mukherjee met Mulayam SinghYadav for his only interview on his pet sport, kushti: "He was initiated intowrestling at the age of eight. In his village, Mulayam won all his bouts. No wonder heknows all the tackles, something his rivals admit sorely, privately. Mulayam says:Kushti trains the body and mind for alertness. It requires the player to becompletely disciplined. If he indulges in other worldly pleasures, he knows he will lickdust. The government, he says, should promote kushti. These games have evolvedhere. They flow in our blood. Instead of blindly pursuing foreign games, it is time wetook ours around".Kushti Evolved Here, It Flows In OurBlood May22,2000)
Real Insider
In October 1995, we scooped excerpts from then primeminister P.V. Narasimha Raos soon-to-be-published book: "Then they exchangedplaces and she rested her head on his chest, making him feel her undulating breast-lineagainst himself. Their bodies, like strangers meeting for the first time, introducedthemselves to each other. It was a process in which millions of pores, blood vessels andreflexes were involved in an all-out mutual comprehension." Excerpts, From The Insider ,Oct, 18, 1995
Hic Cups
In July 1996, Ajith Pillai and Ajit Ninan drew up a six-stepguide to make booze at home to beat prohibition:
1 Put the grapes, sugar, egg, yeast and water into the jar. Get intocrush mode; squash the grapes. The greater the effort, the better.
2 Seal and store the jar in a clean and dry place for 21 days.Carefully stir the contents of the jar every day at a specified time. This is a veryvital part of the operation. On no account should the date with the jar be forgotten.
3 On the 22nd day, add more sugar and burnt sugar. Seal the jar andguard it for another 25 days. Do not disturb the jar.
4 Time to taste the first fruits of labour. Insert a plastic tube intothe jar and draw out the clear red wine. The jar will yield bottles of it. Sample a toast to your patience.
5 Once the wine is drained out, work on the residue left behind. Addwater to it, seal it, and forget all about it for another 15 days.
6 Transfer the contents of the jar into a pressure cooker. Attach atube to the nozzle which coils through a bucket of ice. At the other end keep thebottles ready. Its celebration time! Gentlemen's Moonshine,July 31, 1996
Know Need
In August 1998, we bravely compiled a list of the 50 ThingsWe Dont Need:
1 Vajpayees poetry
2 subservient babus
3 prohibition
4 more television channels
5 regional chauvinism
6 Jayalalitha
7 agony aunts
8 canned laughter
9 TV antaksharis
10 plastic bags,
11 black cats
12 governors
13 phoney crooners
14 pseudos
15 morality cops
16 sansad samachar
17 Govindas wardrobe
18 voice mail
19 English theatre
20 anorexics
21 fake godmen
22 Bhatts (Mahesh, Pooja et al)
23 autorickshaws
24 dynasties (Gandhis, Bhuttos, et al)
25 nuclear patriotism
26 non-retiring men
27 butter chicken
28 Moodys ratings
29 remixed albums
30 pre-school exams
31 partisan historians
32 Official Secrets Act 33 I&B ministry
34 cricket commentators
35 Hinglish
36 beauty contests
37 political correctness
38 sensex
39 MEA
40 porn mags
41 gas bags
42 reservations
43 socialist claptrap
44 Shekhar Suman
45 know-it-all economists
46 the Pakistan bogey
47 Subramanian Swamy
48 TADA
49 M.G. Road
50 mandir-masjid.
