Second Liberation

THE emancipated woman has returned home. To a second liberation. Unshackling itself from the careerist's compulsions, a growing tribe of the '90s women is finding release within the confines of familial walls. Working Woman isn't a synonym for the progressive woman anymore. Now, it's politically correct to be just mom. Or wife.

"Thank God that the days of reactionary—and torturous—feminism are over. You don't have to do all that men do and more, to qualify as a liberated woman," asserts Suruchi Kapoor, who recently quit her advertising job as associate manager in Sista Saatchi & Saatchi. At 29, and married for over seven months, Kapoor feels no regret at losing a Rs 15,000 monthly pay-packet to gain what she values most—her identity as a woman. "I want to enjoy being a wife." Content with her newfound deliverance, Kapoor socialises, reads and meditates. "My horizons have widened. And most importantly, I am spending more time with my husband which is what I wanted for myself ," she exults.

 The new credo, it seems, is to satisfy one's urges as a biological being who wants to nurture a family. Indeed, if these harbingers of neo-feminism are to be believed, feminine yearnings don't have to be sacrificed at the altar of a borrowed sense of liberation anymore.

The salary cheque is no longer a certificate of a woman's radical mindset or of her self-esteem. "My life doesn't become worthwhile because I have a career," says 32-year-old Swagata Deb, who quit her job as a senior scientific officer at IIT, Delhi, to be with her daughter Rhea. Exuding confidence, Swagata asserts that she has found fulfilment in motherhood. "A point that I keep making to my mother who feels I should work to justify the doctorate that I slogged so much for. A woman doesn't have to be in a nine-to-five job to validate her education or her existence anymore. I am a mother and proud to be one."

Identities, the new charter spells, are not fabricated in the swank cabins of plush offices. The 'housewife-brand' is not a pitiable cross to bear. For the proponents of second liberation, tags, in fact, have been consigned to the archives of irrelevance.

 "Who cares how people define me? Yesterday I was introduced as an advertising personnel, today as someone's wife. It's stupid if someone thought I was more liberated then. Do I face an identity crisis? No," says Kapoor. "The fact is that I am more myself today than I ever was when I had a job. And I want to be me."

Perhaps, it is this triumph of individualism over a distorted perception of liberation that drives Kapoor and her likes to pursue desire over career. Denial of the self, after all, cannot nurture self-esteem. "I did not feel a great career woman because I had opted to be in office when my daughter lay sick at home," says Surabhi Bikhchandani, whose decision to spend more time with her child saw her resign from her job as a brand manager with Nestle a year ago. An MBA from IIM, Ahmedabad, Bikhchandani insists that prioritising one's desires in life helps avoid senseless struggle. "If your heart is at home, it's unfair on yourself and your job to be in office," she says.

But what's different, the sceptics enquire. Haven't women always had to abandon the cabin for the cradle? Maybe. But an active choice rather than compulsion seems to propel them now. And the decision is now taken with confidence and pride. Without a grudging sense of sacrifice.

"Yes, today's girls are different. I don't recall a single colleague of mine feeling good about resigning from a job to take care of the family," says Dr V. Dewan, lecturer at the Delhi University for the past 22 years. The academic feels that most women of her generation worked to prove to themselves and the world that they were a notch apart. "In our times, the working woman was perceived as different from your usual dull housewife. So it really hurt when circumstances compelled one to quit. But now, it's common for women to work, so their quitting isn't perceived as a defeat for the woman's cause," she reasons.

Indeed, the war of the genders seems to have fallen casualty to a growing sense of equality between spouses in upper middle-class marriages. Self-possessed and having enjoyed a successful career, the wife takes pride in being the 'primary provider' for her offspring. The magnificence of motherhood has been rediscovered.

 "Arguments like why my husband doesn't take leave instead of me when the children are unwell have become redundant. He doesn't because I'd rather be with them myself," says Ruchi Thiruambalam, 31, who quit her job as a senior product manager in Colgate-Palmolive to look after her daughters. Though her office insisted that she take leave without pay, Thiruambalam stuck to her decision. "Perhaps I could have managed both children and career. But I don't want to be a superwoman. I am happy being just a woman."

 For the educated, metropolitan woman, the wheel seems to have come full circle. In just about four decades. For many, there is little left to prove. They have climbed the top rungs of almost every profession. A self-assured lot, today's career woman knows she's a respected professional and can get back to a job even after a break. Only that some are choosing to opt out, at least temporarily, recognising the need to devote quality time to their progeny.

Two things have made this possible in urban society today. First, there has been a sea-change in attitudes. Decisions regarding career and children are no longer a husband's preserve. In the upper echelons of professional society, self-realisation has become as important an objective as career. Another factor propelling the new sense of freedom is affordability. The last decade has seen salaries spiral their way to global grades. Till a few years ago, upgrading the inherited standard of living demanded two pay packets. No more.

Also, the professional premium has shifted from time to talent. It's the skill rather than hours inside a cubicle which is in demand. "I was surprised at the magnitude of freelance work I received after I quit my job," says 33-year-old Chitra Chaturvedi, who was earning a monthly salary of Rs 16,000 at the Instructional Research Development wing of NIIT when she left to look after her son.

 "The period of crisis as far as social recognition is concerned is over for most women in the upper-middle classes. Now subjective well being is important," analyses psychologist Dr Ashum Gupta. Hoping that such indulgent individualism doesn't ruin the larger cause of women's right to work, Subh-adra Butalia of Karmika, a 17-year-old feminist organistion, nevertheless says: "But there has been a second liberation. It's about women being able to make a choice today. Whether or not they choose to work is their prerogative. They will be at home on their own terms."

And live life on their own terms. As Vijay Srivastav, general secretary of the Indian Housewives Federation, observes: "After all, housewifery today doesn't involve making perfect pickles to impress in-laws and husband's friends. Armed with convenience gadgets, degrees and the confidence that she can tackle the world outside just as well as her spouse, today's homemaker makes her own rules."

She has come a long way. Back home. And the world is hers.