When An Allahabad Family Wore Lipstick To Save ‘Effeminate’ 9-Year-Old Boy From Ridicule

When he began sporting a lipstick, the “effeminate” boy earned even more ridicule from the people around—only to find support from certain members of his family, who showed their protest by painting colours on around their mouth.

The struggle against societal norms on gender behaviour met with severe resistance in Uttar Pradesh’s Allahabad last week, after which a close relative of the boy came out with the details that have gone viral on social media.

Diksha Bijlani, a 23-year-old cousin of “Little Cuz”, narrated the entire incident on Twitter, where she describes the boy as one who “happens to bethe most effeminate” in the house. She further goes on to describe how the nine-year-old loves to paint nails, wear lipcolour and learn home science. And that he has often been the butt of all jokes in the stereotypically alpha male-centric household.

Outlook contacted Diksha on Monday after reading her June 18 tweet. She recalls that the incident began amid her aunt getting ready to go out. “She had just discarded a mini lipstick, which my cousin (Little Cuz) saw and asked for; so she gifted it to him. He excitedly showed it to me and quickly applied it, but then someone in the room said ‘Are you trying to be a chakka (transgender)?’” she says. “He didn’t even understand what that meant, but more scoffing followed. So he hid under the cot.”

That upset Diksha, who is a graduate in psychology from Delhi University. “I wanted to retaliate with anger towards the person who teased him, but realised that it would only make them more offensive. So I thought of a subtler way to get the message across. I asked my brother and another cousin to also apply the lipcolour so we could show Little Cuz that it’s okay.”

At this, the boy was called out: “Look, we’re all wearing lipcolour!” As Little Cuz “peeped out and saw my brother wearing it, he smiled.” Photos of the brother sporting a lipstick were clicked using mobile phones, with the cousins around clapping, says Diksha. “So he slowly slid out from under the bed and posed for us too. His comfort meter went up slowly and in a while the boy was flaunting the lipstick to other people in the house. As he posed for us, he even asked me to tidy his lipstick so he could be ‘flawless’!”

Of course, there were mixed reactions in the family. “For instance,” says Diksha, “my mom was okay with him wearing lipstick, but she felt offended at my brother wearing it. His (little Cuz’s) mother called him “my doll”, but his brother initially teased him. Eventually, nobody was blasting mad but I must say no other elderly males of the family were at home then. They later did see the photos but said nothing.

The next day, when Little Cuz was ridiculed by his uncle for riding his sister’s pink bicycle, the boy confidently replied, “Gender real nai hota. Kal meine aur bhaiya dono ne red lipstick lagaya tha didi ke saath. Aap puch lo.” (Gender is not real. Yesterday, my brother and I wore red lipstick with our sister. You can ask her.)

The incident, summarised in the tweet, is being widely shared on social media, with 1,000-plus retweets. “It was validation of our act,” says Diksha. “Even within the family, the attitudes have altered. The adjectives have changed from ‘chakka’ to ‘cute’.” Overall, Diksha says she would want kids to be taught gender-neutral pronouns. “Observe the conversations kids have amongst themselves. We must discourage stereotypes such as ‘Girls can’t play football’ or ‘Girls can’t drive (vehicles)’ or ‘Boys should not play with dolls’. Social activism, like charity, begins at home.”