I was inspired by recent press reports about retired officials volunteering to fight inKargil. For their fine gesture they were applauded by their families, friends and thepress. I too decided to become a hero. I immediately wrote a letter to the Army Chief ofStaff with copies to editors of all national dailies. I wrote:
Dear General,
Knowing the challenge facing the nation I offer my services to fight in Kargil.Although I am 60 years old I am willing to shed my last drop of blood for our motherland.I have considerable experience in warfare. I was in our school ncc for almost threemonths. Please recruit me for active duty in Kargil immediately. I look forward to yourreply.
Yours patriotically
I became the hero of our neighbourhood. My friends congratulated me for my bravegesture. Youngsters eagerly asked: "Uncle, how soon will you go?"
"It's up to the army chief," I said. "I am ready when he is."
Unfortunately the press has ceased to be professional. Not a single newspaper publishedmy story. Then one day I received a letter from army headquarters. With trembling fingersI opened it. It was by some colonel who wrote on behalf of the army chief. It said:
Dear Patriot,
The army is happy to accept your offer. You have been assigned a small bunker at 17,000feet. We cannot use you for fighting of course.
But having a life insurance policy is advisable. There is shelling in the area. Youwill write letters for the jawans which we have arranged to speedily despatch. Pleaseawait our officers who will contact you within the next 48 hours.
Yours etc.
I was absolutely stunned. I consulted my friends and neighbours. They were all stunned."What terrible cads these army chaps are," we said. "Don't they know how torespond to a noble gesture?" We put our heads together and I immediately sent atelegram to the army chief:
YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF MY OFFER UNACCEPTABLE. I AM ONLY WILLING TO FIGHT, NOT WRITELETTERS. MOREOVER MY AUNT SUDDENLY FELL SICK AND I MUST LEAVE TOWN IMMEDIATELY. PLEASEDON'T, REPEAT DON'T, SEND ANYONE TO MY RESIDENCE. I SHALL NOT BE AVAILABLE FOR ANINDEFINITE PERIOD.
For media and the news
I was ready to be a hero!
But snow gives me the blues,
So I chose to remain a zero!
